dverse · poetry · rubaiyat

dVerse — Rubaiyat — The Poet

the poet

The poet, standing crowned with laurel, leaning on a stone, by

Jusepe de Ribera (called Lo Spagnoletto)

The Poet is an experiment of sorts. I’ve written it in three different versions. The first version is where the reader speaks of the poet in third person. The second version is the reader addressing the poet directly. The third version is from the perspective of the poet.

Bjorn inspired me today when he talked about going to the dark places and injecting a bit of fear into the work in certain instances. I’m very open to anyone’s thoughts/feedback about it.   Please be 100% honest as it helps me grow as a poet.  Thank you for reading.

The form is a rubaiyat of 8 syllables per line.

The Poet

I.

To think it took but once in June

to read his work and then to swoon.

He drew his prose with skill and care

like Eros drawing down the moon.

*

I must resist his words so fair

and ride instead the golden mare

to places calm on peaceful shore

not heights nor depths, emotions fare.

*

In dreams, his flames they burn me more,

his lines like whips they flail me sore,

his voltas sear along my spine

as lightning on the tree does score.

*

She reads; he reaches in the brine

of salt that’s dark within the mine.

He dangles nooses from the peaks

the puppet master from his shrine.

*

II.

To think it took but once in June

to read your work and then I swooned.

You drew your prose with skill and care

like Eros drawing down the moon.

*

I must resist your words so fair

and ride instead the golden mare

to places calm on peaceful shore

not heights nor depths, emotions fare.

*

In dreams, your flames they burn me more,

your lines like whips they flail me sore,

your voltas sear along my spine

as lightning on the tree does score.

*

I read, you reach into the brine

of salt that’s dark within the mine.

You dangle nooses from the peaks

the puppet master from your shrine.

*

III.

To think it took but once in June

you read my work and then you swooned.

I drew my prose with skill and care

like Venus drawing down the moon.

*

You must resist my words so fair

and ride instead the golden mare

to places calm on peaceful shore

not heights nor depths, emotions fare.

*

In dreams, my flames they burn you more,

my lines like whips they flail you sore,

my voltas sear along your spine

as lightning on the tree does score.

*

You read, I reach into the brine

of salt that’s dark within your mine.

I dangle nooses from the peaks

the puppet master from my shrine.

31 thoughts on “dVerse — Rubaiyat — The Poet

  1. I like the last one best, but that’s because I like personal depth of creation; the second one is almost as good – but you have to consider that I know not of the rhythm of poetry or magic, as you do!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I would’ve liked, in the different voices, the content change accordingly. For instance, when the poet is addressed directly by the reader, I imagined I’d find questions and/or criticism of his work and when the poet speaks, the content would change again, him speaking his mind to the single reader.

    Apart from that, the metre worked out wonderfully. The first quatrain, with Eros drawing down the moon made me gasp. So with the golden mare, the voltas searing, the brine from the mine and the nooses from the peaks – brilliant stuff!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Jane, I really was hoping to illustrate how the poem changes for each, depending on whose perspective it is coming from. I’m trying to extend it via Petru’s feedback. We’ll see where it goes!

      Like

  3. a most creative approach to the prompt, your form is excellent to me, rhyme and meter so precise. i also liked the sound of the different voices, you modified and modulated those really well they were a contrast with each other. there is another poetry form coming soon which I strongly feel you can apply this same technique with more impact. Well done Jade, being brave has amazing rewards.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Li, very fine work. The meter is excellent and I loved the use of mythical and mystical descriptions like salt and brine, drawing down the moon, and such luscious yet painful words such as scored. Perhaps some new content in each just to try to hit a different depth from each perspective. As we all suffer and long differently. And I thought the poet concept is brilliant!😊

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I loved the immediacy of II and III better than the more distanced I. Number II seemed to me to work best of all; it seems a bit odd for someone to exhort another as in III to such extremes, whereas II recounts all that as lived experience, which one might naturally seek to describe.

    The phrase ‘tree does score’ I find jarring in every version – the ‘does’ so obviously inserted to make up the syllable count and keep to the rhythm. But we don’t talk like that, ever, these days, so it sounds clumsy and contrived. Is there a different way to say that, while still keeping the rhyme and metre?

    Liked by 1 person

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