New Years Eve Story — Elves and Vices

This is one I wrote a year or two ago, for one or Rory’s challenges.  I found it during the ongoing file management and thought to share it.  Beware it’s more than a little spicy!

Pin on Naughty Elf on the Shelf

New Years Eve: Elves and Vices
‘Twas the night before New Years’ and all through the club
Every creature was snorting to house tunes by Dub.
Us Imps we were hung and we hoped to get laid
We’d worked so much Christmas overtime and had just gotten paid.

The ladies were strung out by the DJ with crinkles
While visions of powder had them offering their kinkles
Me in my leather and Scoobie in his cap
Had just settled down for hot dances on our laps

When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter
Away to middle I flew like a flash,
Hand on my 9mm, ready to blast

The mirrorball on the breasts of the pole dancers showed
Who was punching, who was packing, who was ready to glow
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But an elf dressed in red leather and holding a beer

My boss, a fat bast*rd so lively and quick
Musta slipped Ms. a rufe, I’ll be damned, ’twas St. Nick
More fly than Rick James, his dancing was hardy
And he whistled and shouted and yelled, “Start this party!”

“On Cherish, on Chasity, on Twiggy and Vixen
On Donna, on Kewpid, on Lana and Trixin!
To the top of the pole, to the top of the club!
Now, dance away, dance away, rub on my nub!”

As Dub cranked the jams, Santa and us Imps got cranking,
Glugging whisky and brandy got us ready for spanking
We and the ladies all thumped to the jams
Hootin and hollerin in the throng of our fans

And then in a twinkling, I heard by the door
The Po-Po were raiding, they cleared the floor
When they saw it was Santa they said nevermind
They began to party with St. Nick and were soon doing fine

When midnight approached we each grabbed a hottie
Santa got first pick, Lana, with the best body.
As the clock struck 12 champagne overflowed
As we drank and we kissed, on wasted overload

We sloshed and we tongued til 12th ding of the clock
The nortiest partiers on the whole block
At the end of the night, when it was time to go
He sprang to his limo and left the show

I heard him exclaim, “Happy New Year to All
Make adventure your goal and you’ll have a ball!”

image link here

25 Comments Add yours

  1. Ingrid says:

    🤣😂🤣 Santa just went off the nice list! Happy New Year to you Lisa!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, what a riot! Thanks for such a funtastic beginning to the new year. Happy New Year, Li! 😂😂❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Glad you got a laugh from it. A fun one to write. Happy New Year!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lucy says:

    “When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
    I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter”

    I am laughing too hard from these lines. This is so comedically brilliant and truly a riot of all things that could only happen on New Year’s, of course. 😉 Very well-written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Glad you got a chuckle out of it, Lucy. Santa’s elves like to work hard and they love to play hard lol

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy New Year, Lisa!

    -David

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Happy New Year, David!

      Like

  5. badfinger20 (Max) says:

    Naughty Santa… lol.. Happy New Year Lisa!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Hey all work and no play wears Santa out 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. badfinger20 (Max) says:

        Well he will be more wore out now lol…

        Liked by 1 person

  6. memadtwo says:

    In everyone’s dreams this year… (k)

    Liked by 2 people

      1. S. M. Saves says:

        What a way to kick off the new year! 😂 Much more fun to read out loud. It was hard to stop laughing.
        Happy New Year! Best wishes to you in 2021!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          So glad it got you chuckling. Thanks and to you also!

          Like

  7. hanspostcard says:

    Happy New Year, Lisa! 2021 has to be better!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. -Eugenia says:

    This is hilarious! I love it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks much, Eugi 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. -Eugenia says:

        Most welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Irene says:

    Santa works so hard until Christmas morning, so I guess he needs to unwind, too!
    Have you ever seen “The Christmas Chronicles” with Kurt Russell as Santa? That character just popped up in my mind while reading your story. Happy New Year, MsJadeLi!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      No but it sounds like maybe I should 🙂

      Like

      1. Irene says:

        It’s a family movie, with a nice Christmas message, and a very cool Santa.

        Liked by 1 person

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