New Years Eve Story — Elves and Vices

This is one I wrote a year or two ago, for one of Rory’s challenges.  I found it during the ongoing file management and thought to share it.  Beware it’s more than a little spicy!

Pin on Naughty Elf on the Shelf

New Years Eve: Elves and Vices
‘Twas the night before New Year and all through da club
Every creature was snorting to house tunes by Dub.
Us Imps we were hung and we hoped to get laid
We’d worked Christmas overtime and’d just gotten paid.

The ladies were strung out by the DJ with crinkles
While visions of powder had them offering their kinkles
Me in my leather and Scoobie in his cap
Had just settled down for hot dances on our laps

When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter
Away to middle I flew like a flash,
Hand on my 9mm, ready to blast

The mirrorball on the breasts of the pole dancers showed
Who was punching, who was packing, who was ready to glow
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But an Elf in red leather and holding a beer

My boss, a fat bast*rd so lively and quick
Musta slipped Ms. a rufe, I’ll be damned, ’twas St. Nick
More fly than Rick James, his dancing was hardy
And he whistled and shouted and yelled, “Start this party!”

“On Cherish, on Chasity, on Twiggy and Vixen
On Donna, on Kewpid, on Lana and Trixin!
To the top of the pole, to the top of da club!
Now, dance away, dance away, rub on my nub!”

As Dub cranked the jams, Santa and us Imps got cranking,
Glugging whisky and brandy got us ready for spanking
We and the ladies all thumped to the jams
Hootin’ and hollerin’ in the throng of our fans

And then in a twinkling, I heard by the door
The Po-Po were raiding, they cleared the floor
When they saw it was Santa they said never mind
They began to party with St. Nick and were soon doing fine

When midnight approached we each grabbed a hottie
Santa got first pick, Lana, with the best body.
As the clock struck 12 champagne overflowed
As we drank and we kissed, on wasted overload

We sloshed and we tongued til 12th ding of the clock
The nortiest partiers on da whole block
At the end of the night, when ’twas time to go
‘Ta sprang to his limo and left the show

I heard him exclaim, “Happy New Year to All
Make adventure your goal and you’ll have a ball!”

image link here

43 Comments Add yours

  1. Ingrid says:

    🤣😂🤣 Santa just went off the nice list! Happy New Year to you Lisa!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, what a riot! Thanks for such a funtastic beginning to the new year. Happy New Year, Li! 😂😂❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Glad you got a laugh from it. A fun one to write. Happy New Year!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lucy says:

    “When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
    I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter”

    I am laughing too hard from these lines. This is so comedically brilliant and truly a riot of all things that could only happen on New Year’s, of course. 😉 Very well-written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Glad you got a chuckle out of it, Lucy. Santa’s elves like to work hard and they love to play hard lol

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy New Year, Lisa!

    -David

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Happy New Year, David!

      Like

  5. badfinger20 (Max) says:

    Naughty Santa… lol.. Happy New Year Lisa!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Hey all work and no play wears Santa out 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. badfinger20 (Max) says:

        Well he will be more wore out now lol…

        Liked by 1 person

  6. memadtwo says:

    In everyone’s dreams this year… (k)

    Liked by 2 people

      1. S. M. Saves says:

        What a way to kick off the new year! 😂 Much more fun to read out loud. It was hard to stop laughing.
        Happy New Year! Best wishes to you in 2021!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          So glad it got you chuckling. Thanks and to you also!

          Like

  7. hanspostcard says:

    Happy New Year, Lisa! 2021 has to be better!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. -Eugenia says:

    This is hilarious! I love it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks much, Eugi 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. -Eugenia says:

        Most welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Irene says:

    Santa works so hard until Christmas morning, so I guess he needs to unwind, too!
    Have you ever seen “The Christmas Chronicles” with Kurt Russell as Santa? That character just popped up in my mind while reading your story. Happy New Year, MsJadeLi!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      No but it sounds like maybe I should 🙂

      Like

      1. Irene says:

        It’s a family movie, with a nice Christmas message, and a very cool Santa.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Hahahaha, that is awesome! That needs to be a book

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      How about a Christmas Special, shoulder to shoulder with Rudolph and Charlie Brown? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahahaha! I don’t know how many parents would agree but I’d be there laughing!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Hard to believe it’s almost time to kiss yet another year goodbye! Reading your blog has been a great pleasure, Lisa. Keep up the great work.👍

    I also would like to wish you and your loved ones a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year!🍾🥂😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks so much for your Good Cheer, Christian. I’ve enjoyed your comments and look forward to The Sunday Six with origin stories each week. Best Wishes to You and Yours for 2023 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. memadtwo says:

    Love the one you’re with…Happy New Year! (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Cheers My Friend :::raising a glass to you:::

      Liked by 1 person

  13. They a much more risque’ bunch than I’d have thought~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      What happens at da club stays at da club 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ayes we all know that rule~

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Bad santa…A good giggle NY Dy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks a lot and glad you were entertained by ‘Ta and his Imps 🙂

      Like

  15. Badfinger (Max) says:

    Santa knows how to unwind!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Such a fun poem Lisa.. glad I didn’t miss this Santa diddly.. just found it. 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Cindy glad it gave you a smile. I had a blast writing it.

      Like

  17. Dale says:

    Hahaha! You are a baaaaaad girl 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      :::giggling::: uh huh 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.