This is one I wrote a year or two ago, for one of Rory’s challenges. I found it during the ongoing file management and thought to share it. Beware it’s more than a little spicy!
New Years Eve: Elves and Vices
‘Twas the night before New Year and all through da club
Every creature was snorting to house tunes by Dub.
Us Imps we were hung and we hoped to get laid
We’d worked Christmas overtime and’d just gotten paid.
The ladies were strung out by the DJ with crinkles
While visions of powder had them offering their kinkles
Me in my leather and Scoobie in his cap
Had just settled down for hot dances on our laps
When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter
Away to middle I flew like a flash,
Hand on my 9mm, ready to blast
The mirrorball on the breasts of the pole dancers showed
Who was punching, who was packing, who was ready to glow
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But an Elf in red leather and holding a beer
My boss, a fat bast*rd so lively and quick
Musta slipped Ms. a rufe, I’ll be damned, ’twas St. Nick
More fly than Rick James, his dancing was hardy
And he whistled and shouted and yelled, “Start this party!”
“On Cherish, on Chasity, on Twiggy and Vixen
On Donna, on Kewpid, on Lana and Trixin!
To the top of the pole, to the top of da club!
Now, dance away, dance away, rub on my nub!”
As Dub cranked the jams, Santa and us Imps got cranking,
Glugging whisky and brandy got us ready for spanking
We and the ladies all thumped to the jams
Hootin’ and hollerin’ in the throng of our fans
And then in a twinkling, I heard by the door
The Po-Po were raiding, they cleared the floor
When they saw it was Santa they said never mind
They began to party with St. Nick and were soon doing fine
When midnight approached we each grabbed a hottie
Santa got first pick, Lana, with the best body.
As the clock struck 12 champagne overflowed
As we drank and we kissed, on wasted overload
We sloshed and we tongued til 12th ding of the clock
The nortiest partiers on da whole block
At the end of the night, when ’twas time to go
‘Ta sprang to his limo and left the show
I heard him exclaim, “Happy New Year to All
Make adventure your goal and you’ll have a ball!”
image link here
Tao Talk 
🤣😂🤣 Santa just went off the nice list! Happy New Year to you Lisa!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, what a riot! Thanks for such a funtastic beginning to the new year. Happy New Year, Li! 😂😂❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you got a laugh from it. A fun one to write. Happy New Year!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter”
I am laughing too hard from these lines. This is so comedically brilliant and truly a riot of all things that could only happen on New Year’s, of course. 😉 Very well-written.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you got a chuckle out of it, Lucy. Santa’s elves like to work hard and they love to play hard lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy New Year, Lisa!
-David
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy New Year, David!
LikeLike
Naughty Santa… lol.. Happy New Year Lisa!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey all work and no play wears Santa out 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well he will be more wore out now lol…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Blimey
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
In everyone’s dreams this year… (k)
LikeLiked by 2 people
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a way to kick off the new year! 😂 Much more fun to read out loud. It was hard to stop laughing.
Happy New Year! Best wishes to you in 2021!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So glad it got you chuckling. Thanks and to you also!
LikeLike
Happy New Year, Lisa! 2021 has to be better!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes it does!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is hilarious! I love it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks much, Eugi 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Most welcome!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Santa works so hard until Christmas morning, so I guess he needs to unwind, too!
Have you ever seen “The Christmas Chronicles” with Kurt Russell as Santa? That character just popped up in my mind while reading your story. Happy New Year, MsJadeLi!
LikeLiked by 1 person
No but it sounds like maybe I should 🙂
LikeLike
It’s a family movie, with a nice Christmas message, and a very cool Santa.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha, that is awesome! That needs to be a book
LikeLiked by 1 person
How about a Christmas Special, shoulder to shoulder with Rudolph and Charlie Brown? 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahaha! I don’t know how many parents would agree but I’d be there laughing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hard to believe it’s almost time to kiss yet another year goodbye! Reading your blog has been a great pleasure, Lisa. Keep up the great work.👍
I also would like to wish you and your loved ones a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year!🍾🥂😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much for your Good Cheer, Christian. I’ve enjoyed your comments and look forward to The Sunday Six with origin stories each week. Best Wishes to You and Yours for 2023 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love the one you’re with…Happy New Year! (K)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cheers My Friend :::raising a glass to you:::
LikeLiked by 1 person
They a much more risque’ bunch than I’d have thought~
LikeLiked by 1 person
What happens at da club stays at da club 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
ayes we all know that rule~
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bad santa…A good giggle NY Dy
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks a lot and glad you were entertained by ‘Ta and his Imps 🙂
LikeLike
Santa knows how to unwind!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a fun poem Lisa.. glad I didn’t miss this Santa diddly.. just found it. 🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cindy glad it gave you a smile. I had a blast writing it.
LikeLike
Hahaha! You are a baaaaaad girl 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
:::giggling::: uh huh 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love it!
LikeLiked by 1 person