Traffic holding its breath,
Sky a tense diaphragm
–Seamus Heaney, from Twice Shy
Madge returned to her cubicle after a carb-rich lunch with co-workers. She plopped into the ergonomic chair that often made things too comfortable – like today. The rhythmic movement of her head swiveling between hard copy and digital data on the twenty-inch monitor became a ticking clock that made it impossible to keep her eyes open.
She startled to the sound of a woman’s screaming outside. She looked down from her third-floor window. In the center of the busy intersection stood a naked young woman. Her caramel-colored body was disfigured with purple bruises; her hands smeared with blood.
Traffic holding its breath, sky a tense diaphragm, police had her surrounded, guns drawn in a wide circle, its circumference narrowing.
A small woman carrying a brightly colored blanket stepped into the circle. Walking towards the hysterical figure in the center, she crooned, “I’ve got you, honey.”
[144 words]
top image: link to where this may be purchased (I don’t receive anything for a purchase!)
Kim is today’s host for dVerse’ Prosery Monday. Kim says:
Write a piece of flash fiction of up to or exactly 144 words, including the given line.
Tao Talk 
What a frightening scene, but I am not sure that I was comforted by that old crone… I wonder what was wrong.
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Bjorn, I looked at the crone as a savior, but you could be right, she may not be a positive force here. Happy to have you back, seeing things with your eyes.
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I could picture this perfectly from the words you wrote. This had me holding my breath. I appreciated the moment of hope from the woman carrying the brightly colored blanket. Fantastic.
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Ali, thank you very much. The police have one way of dealing with the “out of the ordinary” and here the young woman very well may have ended up dead. The crone hopefully will calm her enough to find out what has happened to her.
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I love the ambiguity of this piece, Lisa; Madge could be imagining things after her carb-rich lunch and the weird effect of the chair; or it could be real, in which case it is really weird and scary. Who is that small woman and what does she want with the hysterical woman?
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Kim, thank you very much for your take on the story. Maybe Madge is having a psychotic moment? Maybe the small woman has sinister intentions? Love the possibilities you bring to it :)
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I love a story with possibilities, LIsa!
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… and BAM! I’m wide awake. Great timing – that sudden change had me glued to the screen. I loved the head movement mirroring a ticking clock… such great imagery. I really like your take on the prompt, such an interesting and well executed piece of flash fiction!
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Miriam, thank you for the detailed feedback. So happy you enjoyed the story!
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You’re very welcome. Thank you for sharing such an excellent piece!
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ooooh….I want more. I’m relieved the small woman steps in to help…..sadly, these kinds of scenes happen far too often and just as often the public ignores the situation or stands by and videotapes the scene on their phones. The description here is excellent.
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Lillian, thank you. You’re right, too often police shoot first and ask questions later. I understand they want to stay safe, but do they really want murder (euphemism is justified homicide) on their conscience? Around here they are starting to use crisis teams in the field, where social workers go out with police on these types of calls. It is bound to help, imo.
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A very excellent dramatic write, Lisa.
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Dwight, thank you <3
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You are welcome!
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I chose to think the crone does not mean ill. This was a fantabulous take on the prompt. I’ve been thinking these two lines are not the easiest to incorporate and here you are… easy peasy!
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Thanks, Dale. I did struggle with figuring out something that would make sense with the lines. Glad you like how it turned out.
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There have been some difficult lines but these? Not easy at all.
Ya done good!!
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<3
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I love that author! Her work is positively transformative.
I love what you’ve done here!!
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I love her also, Sassy. Thanks :)
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You can’t trust the police to handle a situation like this without turning it into a confrontation, that’s for sure. (K)
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Trust is a good word for it.
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Lisa you really drew me into this story, brilliantly written🙌🙌🙌
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So glad you were drawn in, Ange :)
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Wow. This paints quite a deep picture, and one so many women have faced/still face. The slightest bit of hope in the last line. Well done.
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Ginny, thank you for reading and your comment :)
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Ditto what everyone else said.😁❤️👏🏻
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Thank you, Melissa!
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Such fantastic imagery. Rich and imaginative, Lisa.
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K, thank you so much :)
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😀
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“small woman carrying a brightly colored blanket”, I am glad that you and Bjorn conversed as I had no idea how the ‘small’ woman would be of much help.
Nice story.
..
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Thanks for reading and your comment, Jim. A little bit of kindness can go a long way.
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Very cinematic writing. I could literally picture the scene. A circle of police officers with guns drawn sounds like a pretty frightening scenario to deal with a likely mentally unstable individual.
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Thank you, Christian. She’s literally naked and bruised, yet police think contain, restrain, and kill if necessary. For an abuse victim restraining them only triggers more trauma :( The crone knows this. I fear what they will learn happened to her.
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Interesting where the prompt took you.
Happy you dropped by to read mine
Much💖love
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Gillena, thank you, and you’re welcome :)
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A great story!
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Thanks, Carol :)
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Very vivid story Li
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Thanks much, my friend.
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My pleasure
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Very well written Lisa.
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Max, thank you. The story told itself this time.
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Well you had something to do with it!
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I’m the transmitter for the muse. Thanks again, Dear Max.
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I choose to think that there was one person that stepped out with compassion. Fantastic piece ma’am ❤️
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Aboli, yes, thank you very much.
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