PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot
Oops
Why here? Isn’t her clemency enough?
She steps from a gold-plated Hummer, garbed in royal blue Versace and Wang glitter pumps. Two escorts in Armani walk her over.
She’s usually wearing a doll grin. Today she looks almost scared; her wrinkles are tight.
We’re seated in the tent bistro, out of drone view. The goons stand nearby, their sunglasses ever-oscillating.
Jowls raised in a smirk, I scratch the bruise on my hand. “OK, G, what the …?”
“You raped the wrong girl. You will go with them … and answer their questions.”
I reach for my phone.
“I wouldn’t,” G hisses.
[101 words]
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is the host of Friday Fictioneers.
Tao Talk 
G doesn’t seem to be messing. He’s in trouble
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I have read this a few times and am still a tad confused on who is who in this one…
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There is the person waiting for G. G arrives with 2 escorts. The person wants to know why they are meeting up like this (implied it’s not the usual circumstances.)
Does that help?
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I think the difficulty is the switche from third person to first so we don’t understand who is who…
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I’m not sure how to highlight things in color on this, but I have the first line in italics, which should equate to the first person’s “thought bubble” of what he’s thinking.
The second paragraph is the action of G, the second person, arriving at the spot she wanted to meet him at.
The 3rd paragraph is italicized, where he’s thinking about his impressions of G.
I just italicized the other parts, up to where he asks G his question.
I just italicized where he reaches for his phone.
Hoping that makes it more easily understood.
Thanks for the feedback. I guess the oops is about the writing as well. Please let me know if it is more understandable now.
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I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, but I don’t think I like G very much.
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What about the person who raped the wrong girl? They are both thoroughly reprehensible.
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Of course that’s true, but I’m not really sure who the rapist is!
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To my understanding, they both were, but that’s another story.
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Nancy I just edited it. Take a look and see if it is easier to understand.
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Is this the edited version, Lisa?
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Nancy, I’ve edited it by adding italics to most of it as most of it is taking place inside the first person’s mind. I would ask that you refresh your screen. It should show up correctly.
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Sorry, Li. I’m just trying to understand.
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No worries, Nancy. I guess the story isn’t as clear as I thought it was, as both you and Dale are asking questions.
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Things look ominous. (K)
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We can only hope.
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Hard not to be influenced by current events. Evil times.
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Indeed, Dawn. Thank you.
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Wow Li…this is brilliant, so good! xoxo
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Thanks much, CA <3
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