Fandango Provocative Question · fiction

Who’s Your Man?

flannel shirt

Fandango has posed the following provocative question:

If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?”

My (Satur)day as a man. I’d love to wake up in the nude and go pee standing up AND LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP. Then head for the bedroom and put on some skivvies, go to the kitchen and make a pot of coffee. I’d spend the morning walking around the house in just skivvies, scratching my hairy belly.

Mid-morning I’d grab the chainsaw and go cut up those fallen trees out back into sections to fit the wood burner, then haul them up here in the bed of the pickup truck (if I was a man I’d have a truck). I’d split the seasoned stuff with the axe and stack the whole 2 cords laying in the driveway in one day.

Late morning, I’d meet my buddies at the mom n pop cafe and we’d sit around shooting the sh*t for 2 or 3 hours, talking mostly about machines and women. I’d stop at the tractor supply place on the way home and buy several tools that are needed around the house and yard.

I’d write my usual fare on WP and hope to get some likes and comments.

I’d call my girlfriend (if I was a man, I’d have one) and ask where she wanted to go for dinner. I’d pick her up around 2pm, we’d go for a nice walk in the dunes and take pictures, then come home, take a hot shower together, then lay down for a nap. Later, we’d go out for dinner and a scary movie. She would grab my hand during the scary parts.

In the evening, I’d call up some of my buddies and we’d make plans for going hunting in the morning. The goal:  bringing home a deer, then skinning it before taking it to the butcher for packaging.

Afterwards, I’d watch a manly type movie, probably Clint Eastwood, while drinking a glass or two of whiskey and maybe even take a few puffs of a cigar.  I’d fall asleep while watching, and snore extremely loudly and wake myself up eventually. Then I’d stagger off towards bed, strip down nude, and roll in under the covers. At night my dreams would be filled alternately with wrestling bears and stroking female curves.

Fandango’s Provocative Question #1

 

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