Are you a Lump a Coal or Not?

Rory (aka A Guy Called Bloke) has enlisted his little buddy to ask questions. 

1

Do you believe in the big guy in the red suit, long bushy white beard and overhanging belly and reckons he can flit between chimneys like he’s Superman or summit?

If yes, why??? If not, why not?

Is Santa real? He’s real enough. If you think he’s a myth, prove he doesn’t exist!

2

How many times have you been bad this year, as in pranking, joking around, losing your temper and getting up to no good?

I’m bad on an ongoing basis. It’s all part of this thing called life.

3

Are you always polite and squeaky clean? Dot your i’s and cross your T’s? Or like me don’t get bovvered with all that malarkey?

If you do, why’s it so important like?

I’m OCD in some ways. Laid back and lazy in others. Call me a human enigma.

4

Are you a right ol’ whiner and moaner? I like a bit of wine meself if honest!

If so, ‘ow much do you gargle down per week? Or maybe you be one of those who like to get into the spirit of fings?

I love to complain about the government. Lifelong resistor to authoritay. Since retiring a toddy in the evening is the norm.

5

Right, can’t believe l am asking this question, but it’s a norty list question from the big guy.

What’s the nicest thing you’ve done all this year? However mine is, what’s the sneakiest thing you have done?

Since retiring, I’m getting into regular contact with old friends and a cousin who have been put on the back burner. We have regular monthly lunch dates now. That’s about as nice as I get.

6

How many people have you not upset this year with your sneakies and nortyness?

Oh, I try to upset everyone at least once a year. It keeps things interesting.

7

The other day Glubby turned up at the door an’ he wos wearing the most hideous cape and unmatching hat lhad ever seen! EVER, now l told him that it was not just ugly but right Fugly! he was not best pleased. How would you ‘andle it, be truthful, lie or summit else?

Not sure if I’m the teller or the one with the Fugly on but will answer for both. As to the teller, NEVER unless it was one of my kids or my family. As the one with the Fugly on, fug off!

8

Whilst walkin’ in the street, you come across a fifty [of your currency] lying on the ground, whaddya do wif it?

Pocket it. What else is to be done? “Turn it in?” Where? It would be well spent, so thanks to the one who dropped it, wherever you are. If it was at work, would turn it in at front desk but monitor it to see if anyone claimed it. After a few days, it would be mine.

9

Do you always do the best that you can for yourself? [Didn’t expect that question did ya?]

Um… always have food, clothing, and shelter (not always heat!) Food choices, exercise, and alcohol consumption, not so much.

10

When you wos young and at that fing called school, how many detentions or stay behind after class did you end up with per week?

Perfect student up to middle school, which got worse in high school. I was at one of those forgotten schools where the halls were very hollow so nobody gave a rat’s ass what was going on – except that one Home-Ec teacher who didn’t like my friend and I laughing while we baked our cupcakes. Kicked out!

11

You’re at the shop and the person in front of the till is 9 cents/pence short of their bill being paid, whaddya do …?

See if the cashier is going to be a scrooge about it. If so, OF COURSE help them out. Been there done that, as the needer and the giver.

12

A friend of yours after eating dinner or grub, has got a right ‘orrible stain on his/her shirt and hasn’t seen it and ‘as to go out to an important date, do you tell ’em?

YES, but I’m usually the one who needs a bib.

13

Are you a right proper prankster? Tell me your best Norty prank for 2018

You’ll have to wait and see…..

14

Finally, do you cuss/curse/swear a lot?

When I’m my only audience, F is like a big bucket of popcorn around here.