A Guy Called Bloke has asked for the scoop on the vices of Pimp Imp and his Norty Buddies.
Pimp Imp’s December’s Delightful Dastardly Deeds
“The Vices of New Year’s!”
Again being the Norty Imp that I am, my poem will be on The Vices of New Year’s Eve, not Christmas.
Every creature was snorting to house tunes by Dub.
Us Imps were hung and hoping to get laid
We’d worked so much overtime for Christmas and had just gotten paid.
The ladies were strung out by the DJ with crinkles
While visions of powder had them offering their kinkles
Me in my leather and Scoobie in his cap
Had just settled down for hot dances on our laps
When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter
Away to middle I flew like a flash,
Hand on my 9mm, ready to blast
The mirrorball on the breasts of the pole dancers showed
Who was punching, who was packing, who was ready to glow
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But an elf dressed in red PVC and holding a beer
My boss, a fat bast*rd so lively and quick
Musta slipped Ms. a rufe, I’ll be damned, ’twas St. Nick
More fly than Rick James, his dancing was hardy
And he whistled and shouted and yelled, “Start this party!”
“On Cherish, on Chasity, on Twiggy and Vixen
On Donna, on Kewpid, on Lana and Trixin!
To the top of the pole, to the top of the club!
Now, dance away, dance away, rub on my nub!”
As Dub cranked the jams, Santa and us Imps got cranking,
Glugging whisky and brandy got us ready for spanking
We and the ladies all thumped to the jams
Hootin and hollerin in the throng of our fans
And then in a twinkling, I heard by the door
The Po-Po were raiding, they cleared the floor
When they saw it was Santa they said nevermind
They began to party with St. Nick and were soon doing fine
When midnight approached we each grabbed hottie
Santa got first pick, Lana, with the best body.
As the clock struck 12 champagne overflowed
As we drank and we kissed, on wasted overload
We sloshed and we tongued til 12th ding of the clock
The nortiest partiers on the whole block
At the end of the night, when it was time to go
He sprang to his limo and left the show
I heard him exclaim, “Happy New Year to All
Make adventure your goal and you’ll have a ball!”