A Guy Called Bloke · fiction

Valentine for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 2 — Funny Dating Profile

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Love 3

Rory, aka A Guy Called Bloke‘s V4L Challenge 2019 — 2 is:

Funniest Dating Profile Creation Challenge!!

This is a simple challenge – create a dating profile – it can be as funny as you should wish it so.

Looking for Love in All The Wrong Places – Will you be my Mr. Right?

I’m a free-spirited lady of 40 who likes to have fun. Nod nod wink wink. Lady Clairol insures lovely tresses of many hues to entice. The palimony my ex gives insures my body is hair and cellulite-free. I look great in pink chiffon and I know how to please please please! I’m 5 feet tall and my measurements are 36-24-36. Please see the cut-and-pasted photo I yanked from a soft porn site. Yep, that’s what I really look like. Just like candy! Yummy!

Hobbies include knick-knack collecting, reading Nancy Drew mysteries, and creative macrame every Tuesday night. Oh yes, shoes are my #1 hobby, and my spare room has shelves on every wall for my beauties, color-coded and cross-indexed by season. Saturday mornings are spent shoe-polishing my collection. It is hoped this is an activity we can share together.

Now about you: you are employed and earn extreme amounts of money. Alternately, you don’t work but have a large trust fund from which to draw. You’ve never been married before, you have no children, and you don’t want to have any. Your favorite things are pleasing your lady and doing any and everything she says. You love shoes and you want to help me polish my shoes on Saturdays.

If I sound like the kind of dreamy dream you’ve always dreamt of, let’s meet. Until mid-July (if everything goes well) I am confined to house arrest, so the meeting will have to take place at my home. Pesky po-po caught me lifting some shoes and so now I’m on probation.

Hope to meet YOU, Mr. Right, in the near future! Please call 666-S-H-O-E-S-4-M-E

27 thoughts on “Valentine for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 2 — Funny Dating Profile

  1. Brilliant Li – l am still laughing!

    Just like candy! Yummy!

    Hobbies include knick-knack collecting, reading Nancy Drew mysteries, and creative macrame every Tuesday night. Oh yes, shoes are my #1 hobby, and my spare room has shelves on every wall for my beauties, color-coded and cross-indexed by season. Saturday mornings are spent shoe-polishing my collection. It is hoped this is an activity we can share together.

    Seriously superb!!

    Liked by 1 person

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