Another “imperfect” pantoum for dVerse.
The pantoum is based on sailing experiences I’ve had.
Gliding mute along the water
We set sail with gentle winds
Ripples on the ocean’s daughter
Feeling warm air brush our skins
*
We set sail with gentle winds
Dragon clouds across the sky
Feeling warm air brush our skins
Rudder moves as sunset’s nigh
*
Dragon clouds across the sky
Follow sun into the lake
Rudder turns with sunset’s sigh
Luna rises, skin opaque
*
Sailing home in chilly winds
Golden sun now in the lake
Feel the wet mist brush our skins
Luna rises, skin opaque
Tao Talk 
A musical form of poetry. Great 👍
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Thank you, Sadje, it does seem musical the way it repeats.
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It does, and maybe could be lyrical too.
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OK you write some music to it and we’ll record 🙂
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This works well with the sea, those waves interlocking and rippling.
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Thank you, Nava.
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the sailing experience makes a grand pantoum. i was reading the last stanza and thought it may have better flow if the last line was the one ending with lake or opaque? the two syllable words had a better sound somehow, just a suggestion, i have not tried an imperfect pantoum, maybe i will now inspired by you!! thank you for your lovely contributions Jade!
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Gina, thank you I will take a look at it and you are welcome. It’s been enjoyable working with the form so far.
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i had a look and read it through, I love it this way, it ends on a very lyrical and poignant note – nice Jade!! very nice! thank you for being so accommodating and flexible.
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Thank you for taking a look at it. I’m a student who appreciates a poetic eye. I like that ending better as well as now the journey home begins at the beginning of the stanza and can be developed into an end 🙂
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Gina, I just flipped the lines so opaque at the end. Take a look and see what you think…
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I will Jade
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Really enjoyed this Li. You have described the sailing experience on calm waters perfectly. ❤️
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Punam, thank you. Didn’t you say your husband is a sailor? I’m guessing you’ve gone sailing with him a time or two…
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Wow! You remember that? Yes, Li, I have sailed a lot with him… on calm seas as well as through really rough weather.
You are so welcome. ❤️
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Anything other than the calm weather described here used to terrify me!
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It can be terrifying!
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What a glorious poem! Your words carried me on those gentle waves 💕🙂
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Thank you, Christine 🙂
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Brilliant piece! Words upon waves at sea.
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Thank you, Eugenia 🙂
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I loved this 🙂
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Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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This is truly very nice! I felt each line like a stroke of paint on a canvas.
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Such a nice compliment, thank you very much, glad you enjoyed it.
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I like the mythical aspect to this. (K)
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Thank you!
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I love the way the form works with the water… somehow the waves are like repetitions and to me it works very well.
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Thank you, Bjorn.
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Thank you for taking me sailing Jade, it was a joy!
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You are welcome 🙂
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I really enjoyed that. Clear meaning, wonderful un-strained rhymes. Nice. (I too love sailing)
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Thank you, Sabio! I wrote another one last night that will be posted soon.
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The rhythm made me feel like I was set sail as well under the gentleness of waves….and words. Lovely!
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Thank you very much, Mish, glad you enjoyed it.
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