dverse · pantoum · poetry · remembrance

dVerse — Pantoum — Day Sailors

sunset over water

image link

Another “imperfect” pantoum for dVerse.

The pantoum is based on sailing experiences I’ve had.

Gliding mute along the water

We set sail with gentle winds

Ripples on the ocean’s daughter

Feeling warm air brush our skins

*

We set sail with gentle winds

Dragon clouds across the sky

Feeling warm air brush our skins

Rudder moves as sunset’s nigh

*

Dragon clouds across the sky

Follow sun into the lake

Rudder turns with sunset’s sigh

Luna rises, skin opaque

*

Sailing home in chilly winds

Golden sun now in the lake

Feel the wet mist brush our skins

Luna rises, skin opaque

ย 

33 thoughts on “dVerse — Pantoum — Day Sailors

  1. the sailing experience makes a grand pantoum. i was reading the last stanza and thought it may have better flow if the last line was the one ending with lake or opaque? the two syllable words had a better sound somehow, just a suggestion, i have not tried an imperfect pantoum, maybe i will now inspired by you!! thank you for your lovely contributions Jade!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. i had a look and read it through, I love it this way, it ends on a very lyrical and poignant note – nice Jade!! very nice! thank you for being so accommodating and flexible.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for taking a look at it. I’m a student who appreciates a poetic eye. I like that ending better as well as now the journey home begins at the beginning of the stanza and can be developed into an end ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.