Dr. Anthony Fauci Changes Trump’s Twitter Password

March 13, 2020

Anthony S. Fauci — Photograph by Drew Angerer / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling his action “in the interest of public health,” Dr. Anthony Fauci changed Donald J. Trump’s Twitter password on Friday.

“This is something I’ve wanted to do for weeks,” Fauci told reporters. “I was just waiting for the right opportunity.”

During the daily meeting of the coronavirus task force, the esteemed virologist noticed that, while Trump launched into an extended rant about former Vice-President Joe Biden, he left his phone unattended on the conference-room table.

Springing into action, Fauci surreptitiously took custody of Trump’s phone and changed his Twitter password in a matter of seconds.

“I’d never hacked into a Twitter account before,” he said. “My heart was beating like a rabbit’s.”

Fauci said that there was “little to no chance” of Trump being able to guess his new password. “I used a polysyllabic word,” Fauci said.

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

Found in the May 2020 issue of Funny Times.