Strapped onto the bed, natural and introduced orifices maintained fluid input and output by proxy. Through the haze, I discerned their routine movements. Bright LEDs popped on, after which the metal clanking of the door lock brought their soft padding into the room.
One smelled of lilacs; another of onions.
They never spoke as they executed functions with robotic precision. Occasionally the warmth of a hand or an arm would brush against me. I grew to crave those tidbits of touch.
When I woke from my coma, the first thing I saw were the legs of a window washer.
[99 words]
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is the encouraging host of Friday Fictioneers.
I’m so glad that they are no longer in a coma! Great take on the prompt
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Shweta.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good take on the prompt Li.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Sadje.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good one! I liked your take on it! And … knowing someone who’d had ‘locked in syndrome’, I am always aware of how important it is to continue to treat those in a come as if they are aware of what is going on around them – even to some degree – because … well … we never know AND it matters! Nicely done!
Na’ama
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks much, Na’ama 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great little story – just loved this take on the photo prompt!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Susan.
LikeLike
Wow. That was excellent, Lisa.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Dale.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I heaved a sigh of relief at the end. But I wonder why the caregivers never spoke.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good question, Gabriella.
LikeLike
Never has a window washer’s feet been a more welcome view 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think that was one of your best
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Neil. I had trouble thinking of something to write at first.
LikeLike
A welcome sight I’m sure. (K)
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was brilliant! Wasn’t too sure what to expect and to be honest i suspected the worst, but what a pay off with the last line, great stuff, as ever!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shrawl I love your comment. Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cheers 🍻
LikeLiked by 1 person
Back to reality, a sigh-inducing story
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Jude, maybe they should stay in the coma for awhile longer.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a beautiful piece of writing. I love how you saved the best for the last 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very happy you enjoyed the story, thank you.
LikeLike
Dear Lisa,
Sensory and well written. I love the way you left us with hope for this person. Excellent use of the prompt.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Rochelle, I’m glad you enjoyed the story, thank you.
Shalom,
Lisa
LikeLike
A nice note of optimism at the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Sandra.
LikeLike
A little bit of normality after a haze of flashing lights and silent nurses.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes!
LikeLiked by 1 person
i’d say welcome to the world. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
A very ingenious take on the prompt. I liked the way you used the different senses of sight, sound, smell and touch. That really makes the point that the patient was aware albeit helpless. Good writing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Penny!
LikeLike
I think you just won this week’s Friday Fictioneers. Masterfully done. It’s terrifying to think one can be that aware while in a coma.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the vote of confidence. I’ve read accounts where people “died for a bit” then came back and could tell what was happening, so to me it seems likely you could do the same in a coma.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A couple of feet closer to a full recovery!
Here’s mine!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Being back never looked so beautiful…excellent.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 🙂
LikeLike
An imaginative take on the prompt and a powerful story. The great importance of touch, that she craved though she was comatose. It does raise the long unanswered question of how aware are those who are “asleep” of their surroundings. Nicely written!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Brenda, yes and yes. I would prefer the caregivers act from a belief that they are aware of what’s going on. If they aren’t nobody is harmed, but if they are, more reasons to wake up. Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps not the first thing you would want to see when coming around from a coma. In the story you captured the awkward feeling of being sensitive to the touch, sounds and smells and yet unable to respond. Well told.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, James, glad you liked the story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is both fascinating and intriguing, Lisa.
What a great start to a wonderful story.
Isadora 😎
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much, Isadora.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That totally creeped me out until the the person woke up from the coma. Great misdirection 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Linda! I wanted the reader to wonder what the heck was going on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Success!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You had me wondering with onions and lilac. Whilst a nurse in training, I was told, Many patients unconscious individuals can hear.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cool that you are a nurse. We don’t really know what senses are still working when they are unconscious but it seems reasonable at least some are, maybe all, at some level…
LikeLike
An inventive take on the prompt. I particularly liked the lilac and the onion smells of the two attendants.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you.
LikeLike
Wow this is gripping. Clever idea. Awareness through a coma. Craving a warm touch. Glad they are now awake!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Laurie.
LikeLike