Strapped onto the bed, natural and introduced orifices maintained fluid input and output by proxy. Through the haze, I discerned their routine movements. Bright LEDs popped on, after which the metal clanking of the door lock brought their soft padding into the room.
One smelled of lilacs; another of onions.
They never spoke as they executed functions with robotic precision. Occasionally the warmth of a hand or an arm would brush against me. I grew to crave those tidbits of touch.
When I woke from my coma, the first thing I saw were the legs of a window washer.
[99 words]
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is the encouraging host of Friday Fictioneers.
Tao Talk 
I’m so glad that they are no longer in a coma! Great take on the prompt
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Thank you, Shweta.
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My pleasure
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Good take on the prompt Li.
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Thank you, Sadje.
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You’re welcome 😉
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Good one! I liked your take on it! And … knowing someone who’d had ‘locked in syndrome’, I am always aware of how important it is to continue to treat those in a come as if they are aware of what is going on around them – even to some degree – because … well … we never know AND it matters! Nicely done!
Na’ama
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Thanks much, Na’ama 🙂
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🙂
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Great little story – just loved this take on the photo prompt!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you, Susan.
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Wow. That was excellent, Lisa.
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Thank you, Dale.
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🙂
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I heaved a sigh of relief at the end. But I wonder why the caregivers never spoke.
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Good question, Gabriella.
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Never has a window washer’s feet been a more welcome view 🙂
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🙂
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I think that was one of your best
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Thank you, Neil. I had trouble thinking of something to write at first.
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A welcome sight I’m sure. (K)
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That was brilliant! Wasn’t too sure what to expect and to be honest i suspected the worst, but what a pay off with the last line, great stuff, as ever!!
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Shrawl I love your comment. Thank you.
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Cheers 🍻
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Back to reality, a sigh-inducing story
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Yes Jude, maybe they should stay in the coma for awhile longer.
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What a beautiful piece of writing. I love how you saved the best for the last 🙂
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Very happy you enjoyed the story, thank you.
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Dear Lisa,
Sensory and well written. I love the way you left us with hope for this person. Excellent use of the prompt.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, I’m glad you enjoyed the story, thank you.
Shalom,
Lisa
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A nice note of optimism at the end.
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Thank you, Sandra.
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A little bit of normality after a haze of flashing lights and silent nurses.
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Yes!
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i’d say welcome to the world. 🙂
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🙂
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A very ingenious take on the prompt. I liked the way you used the different senses of sight, sound, smell and touch. That really makes the point that the patient was aware albeit helpless. Good writing!
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Thank you, Penny!
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I think you just won this week’s Friday Fictioneers. Masterfully done. It’s terrifying to think one can be that aware while in a coma.
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Thank you for the vote of confidence. I’ve read accounts where people “died for a bit” then came back and could tell what was happening, so to me it seems likely you could do the same in a coma.
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A couple of feet closer to a full recovery!
Here’s mine!
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Being back never looked so beautiful…excellent.
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Thank you 🙂
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An imaginative take on the prompt and a powerful story. The great importance of touch, that she craved though she was comatose. It does raise the long unanswered question of how aware are those who are “asleep” of their surroundings. Nicely written!
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Brenda, yes and yes. I would prefer the caregivers act from a belief that they are aware of what’s going on. If they aren’t nobody is harmed, but if they are, more reasons to wake up. Thank you.
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Perhaps not the first thing you would want to see when coming around from a coma. In the story you captured the awkward feeling of being sensitive to the touch, sounds and smells and yet unable to respond. Well told.
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Thank you, James, glad you liked the story.
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This is both fascinating and intriguing, Lisa.
What a great start to a wonderful story.
Isadora 😎
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Thank you very much, Isadora.
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That totally creeped me out until the the person woke up from the coma. Great misdirection 🙂
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Thank you, Linda! I wanted the reader to wonder what the heck was going on.
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Success!
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You had me wondering with onions and lilac. Whilst a nurse in training, I was told, Many patients unconscious individuals can hear.
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Cool that you are a nurse. We don’t really know what senses are still working when they are unconscious but it seems reasonable at least some are, maybe all, at some level…
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An inventive take on the prompt. I particularly liked the lilac and the onion smells of the two attendants.
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Thank you.
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Wow this is gripping. Clever idea. Awareness through a coma. Craving a warm touch. Glad they are now awake!
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Thanks Laurie.
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