#FF — Awake

on
PHOTO PROMPT Β© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Strapped onto the bed, natural and introduced orifices maintained fluid input and output by proxy. Through the haze, I discerned their routine movements. Bright LEDs popped on, after which the metal clanking of the door lock brought their soft padding into the room.

One smelled of lilacs; another of onions.

They never spoke as they executed functions with robotic precision. Occasionally the warmth of a hand or an arm would brush against me. I grew to crave those tidbits of touch.

When I woke from my coma, the first thing I saw were the legs of a window washer.

[99 words]

 

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is the encouraging host of Friday Fictioneers.

58 Comments Add yours

  1. I’m so glad that they are no longer in a coma! Great take on the prompt

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Shweta.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sadje says:

    Good take on the prompt Li.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sadje.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        You’re welcome πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Good one! I liked your take on it! And … knowing someone who’d had ‘locked in syndrome’, I am always aware of how important it is to continue to treat those in a come as if they are aware of what is going on around them – even to some degree – because … well … we never know AND it matters! Nicely done!
    Na’ama

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks much, Na’ama πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Great little story – just loved this take on the photo prompt!

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Susan.

      Like

  5. Dale says:

    Wow. That was excellent, Lisa.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Dale.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Gabriella says:

    I heaved a sigh of relief at the end. But I wonder why the caregivers never spoke.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Good question, Gabriella.

      Like

  7. Iain Kelly says:

    Never has a window washer’s feet been a more welcome view πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. neilmacdon says:

    I think that was one of your best

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Neil. I had trouble thinking of something to write at first.

      Like

  9. memadtwo says:

    A welcome sight I’m sure. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. That was brilliant! Wasn’t too sure what to expect and to be honest i suspected the worst, but what a pay off with the last line, great stuff, as ever!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Shrawl I love your comment. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. judeitakali says:

    Back to reality, a sigh-inducing story

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Yes Jude, maybe they should stay in the coma for awhile longer.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. What a beautiful piece of writing. I love how you saved the best for the last πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Very happy you enjoyed the story, thank you.

      Like

  13. Dear Lisa,

    Sensory and well written. I love the way you left us with hope for this person. Excellent use of the prompt.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Rochelle, I’m glad you enjoyed the story, thank you.
      Shalom,
      Lisa

      Like

  14. Sandra says:

    A nice note of optimism at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sandra.

      Like

  15. draliman says:

    A little bit of normality after a haze of flashing lights and silent nurses.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. plaridel says:

    i’d say welcome to the world. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  17. pennygadd51 says:

    A very ingenious take on the prompt. I liked the way you used the different senses of sight, sound, smell and touch. That really makes the point that the patient was aware albeit helpless. Good writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Penny!

      Like

  18. Nobbinmaug says:

    I think you just won this week’s Friday Fictioneers. Masterfully done. It’s terrifying to think one can be that aware while in a coma.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you for the vote of confidence. I’ve read accounts where people “died for a bit” then came back and could tell what was happening, so to me it seems likely you could do the same in a coma.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. A couple of feet closer to a full recovery!

    Here’s mine!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. doodletllc says:

    Being back never looked so beautiful…excellent.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you πŸ™‚

      Like

  21. An imaginative take on the prompt and a powerful story. The great importance of touch, that she craved though she was comatose. It does raise the long unanswered question of how aware are those who are “asleep” of their surroundings. Nicely written!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Brenda, yes and yes. I would prefer the caregivers act from a belief that they are aware of what’s going on. If they aren’t nobody is harmed, but if they are, more reasons to wake up. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. James McEwan says:

    Perhaps not the first thing you would want to see when coming around from a coma. In the story you captured the awkward feeling of being sensitive to the touch, sounds and smells and yet unable to respond. Well told.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, James, glad you liked the story.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. This is both fascinating and intriguing, Lisa.
    What a great start to a wonderful story.
    Isadora 😎

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much, Isadora.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. granonine says:

    That totally creeped me out until the the person woke up from the coma. Great misdirection πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Linda! I wanted the reader to wonder what the heck was going on.

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Mike says:

    You had me wondering with onions and lilac. Whilst a nurse in training, I was told, Many patients unconscious individuals can hear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Cool that you are a nurse. We don’t really know what senses are still working when they are unconscious but it seems reasonable at least some are, maybe all, at some level…

      Like

  26. An inventive take on the prompt. I particularly liked the lilac and the onion smells of the two attendants.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Laurie Bell says:

    Wow this is gripping. Clever idea. Awareness through a coma. Craving a warm touch. Glad they are now awake!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks Laurie.

      Like

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