dVerse — MTB — A moss-covered path

Backlit mossy forest ground in a ... | Stock image | Colourbox

Padding spongy moss, I inhale humus air to where our love played
A tune
Pine canopy dapples flicker as old movies play. Warbler’s song
Lifts me.
Wait, am I dreaming or is that your laughter I hear? My breath is
Tethered,
I see you and she, lazily languishing, your eyes twinkling into hers.
Clinging
illusions de-clutter; I wish you well as I turn and take this path
No more.

This turn has what is called the descriptive-meditative structure. “According to poet Corey Marks, the descriptive-meditative structure is a kind of dramatic monologue that has three parts: it opens with the description of a scene, then (often due to an external trigger) turns to an interior meditation (for example, the expression and/or consideration of memories, concerns, anticipation), and then turns to a re-description of the scene, a scene that now seems different due to the changed mindset of the poem’s speaker.” wikipedia

The form is a new one for me. The “Waltmarie” was created Candace Kubinec. The Waltmarie form is a 10 line poem, any subject, even numbered lines are 2 syllables and form their own poem when read separately. Odd lines are longer with no specific syllable count.

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Peter from Australia is today’s host for dVerse‘ Meet the Bar. Peter says:
Let’s look to our middles and see if we can build in exciting turns, open a new window on our writing.

58 Comments Add yours

  1. Oh that was a sad turn… to go from that wonderful world and finding yourself being the third wheel … well done.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Bjorn. I watched a show the other night where the wife walks in on her husband with another woman. At the time I thought there would be nothing more painful. With an old love, where you keep entertaining the notion that one day you might get back together, to come upon a scene like this would be tough, but it would also be a relief, closure.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sources of inspiration are always everywhere. Yet it’s a special kind of great when art inspires art.🤓

        Liked by 2 people

        1. msjadeli says:

          You’re so right, it’s all fodder for the creative mill. Thank you, Gia!

          Liked by 2 people

  2. I can hear the silence throughout even at the tun where nothing is expressed other than avoidance
    “Pine canopy dapples flicker as old movies play. ” a great line

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you for reading and your feedback, Laura.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. merrildsmith says:

    I like how you made the turn a literal turn. A sad story, but one that’s all too common.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks, Merril!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. merrildsmith says:

        You’re welcome!

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh, this sudden turn with deception.
    And the acknowledgment — “Clinging / illusions de-clutter” — tells it well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Ken.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. sanaarizvi says:

    So much to love here especially; “Pine canopy dapples flicker as old movies play.” 💝💝

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sanaa thank you so much.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. sanaarizvi says:

        You’re most welcome! 💝💝

        Liked by 2 people

  6. K.Hartless says:

    This turn had brakes and screeched loudly. Love it. Great!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Yes it did 🙂 Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Ron. says:

    Twofer! An awesome Waltmarie with a really fine (& literal) turn. Just as well; walk away, Sister.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. calmkate says:

    you nailed the style and I appreciate your literal turn … love lorn!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Many thanks, Kate 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. calmkate says:

        can still feel your pain Lisa … maybe try Ken’s remedy 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          LOL You never know.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. calmkate says:

            dreaming hastens the healing process 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  9. Lucy says:

    Such a sad turn in a perspective that was once all hopeful to dismayed, and then choosing to move on because that is the path we must be on to no longer obsess over such feelings. It is all too common and realistic which makes it all the more stirring, the way you accentuated that turn. Beautifully penned, Lisa!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Lucy, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. It is tough to let go and sometimes seeing why with your own eyes is the only way to do so.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Helen Dehner says:

    I am blown away … you managed a great Waltmarie and a twisty, turn too!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Helen, thank you very much 🙂

      Like

  11. Thank you for the Corey Marks explanation – (though your piece didn’t need). Turns a plenty like that mossy path – fond memories, the lover with their new partner in that classic corny pose – and that ambiguous last line – equanimity achieved but also a hint of bitterness perhaps.

    Thanks also for Seu George (who can forget The Life Aquatic…? – one of my favourite lockdown films).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      I had to go back and see what the last line was. Perhaps. I haven’t gotten to that place yet. Anyone who loves The Life Aquatic… is my buddy, buddy.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. robtkistner says:

    A sad encounter of discovery Lisa. I feel the sense of sad surrender to the situation. I can relate…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. robtkistner says:

      …snd a beautiful picture. I want to walk that place.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. msjadeli says:

        I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of places like that out where you are. Those videos you posted awhile back showing the area and photos you’ve shared. The quiet majesty speaks so loudly.

        Like

      2. msjadeli says:

        p.s. Rob, have you communicated with Glenn lately? I haven’t seen him at dVerse and he’s consistently there 99% of the time.

        Like

    2. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Rob, I hate to say I want to get to that place, but I do.

      Like

  13. Wow. You have a fine example of that form. Thank you for that. I like it. The strength for the narrator are those two syllable bits on the left: tethered no more. Interesting too how that part of the form also has a clear turn and thread.
    Brava!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      D, thank you very much for your glowing feedback, it is appreciated 🙂 I saw the form last week and thought I have to try it out. I really like it.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Sadje says:

    I love your poem and meandering thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sadje, glad you enjoyed it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        You’re welcome 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Gillena Cox says:

    “Wait am i dreaming”
    Wow i too was shocked beleive me you had me journeying with you, i was absorbed in the scene

    Nice One

    Thanks for dropping by to read mine

    Much💗love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Gillena, thanks much and glad you enjoyed the poem. You’re welcome. I enjoyed your poem as well.

      Like

  16. Lisa,

    A brilliant poem with a sad turn; and the word ‘dreaming’ – it made me think of your other recent poem, which I also loved ❤

    Yours,
    David

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      David, I need to have a dream tag for my writing as a lot of it resides there. Glad you enjoyed the poem, thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. kim881 says:

    A gently sensual combination of Waltmarie and turn, Lisa. I especially love the spongy moss, humus air and flickering dapples, which transported me to a pine forest. A lovely setting for a love poem – until the turn and the surprising reveal. I like the way the speaker literally turns at the end

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Kim thank you very much and glad you enjoyed that walk with me.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Brendan says:

    A jarring turn, so much so that the betrayal risks being nature’s too — but then it’s our own nature at fault, or so the poem leaves us, walking on without these woods …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Brendan, I love that analysis of the poem. Thank you very much for your insight. It hurts to think of it that way but it’s true.

      Like

  19. Ingrid says:

    You made a wise turn at the end of the poem, Lisa. I love the build up of atmosphere, the magical sylvan scene shattered by the first turn:
    ‘Tethered,
    I see you and she’
    Leading into the second at which you take a turn away from jealousy and emotional turmoil.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Ingrid. It’s a scene I dread to come upon, my ex with another woman.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ingrid says:

        Mine is my husband with his ex 😅😂

        Liked by 1 person

  20. rothpoetry says:

    This really is an unhappy shocking twist! Very nicely done Lisa. Hopefully it is fiction rather than reality! :>)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Dwight. It’s fiction but I dread the thought of seeing my ex with another woman.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. rothpoetry says:

        That would be an awkward meeting!

        Liked by 1 person

  21. memadtwo says:

    I like this form and it works well with the theme. I especially like the image
    Clinging
    illusions de-clutter
    It also has a great sound to it. You can see things falling apart. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Kerfe.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      🙂 glad you do

      Like

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