#FF — Goodbye, Mama


PHOTO PROMPT© Na’ama Yehuda תודה חברה שלי

Abandoning Michigan winters and my family had been necessary. I’d lived in Hawaii for thirty years when Dotty, my youngest sister, called and said Mama didn’t have long. I packed my peach fleece-lined jacket.

They hovered around her, their faces uncharacteristically crumpled and wet. Dotty moved aside, said, “She’s been waiting for you.”

Fit and tanned before, now she looked shriveled and yellow. Her eyes were closed, breathing shallow, stale onion stench rising from her.

Mama?” I said, wrapping her cold hand in mine. Her eyes opened and she smiled.

See you in hell,” she whispered, and died.

[100 words]

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Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is the summery host of Friday Fictioneers.

54 Comments Add yours

  1. neilmacdon says:

    Loved the surprise shock of the last line

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Neil, thank you. When I please you, I know I’ve done well 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sadje says:

    Oh that last line is superb.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Sadje says:

        You’re welcome Li

        Liked by 3 people

  3. pennygadd51 says:

    I wouldn’t blame anyone for leaving Michigan winters behind! Great twist, Jade.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much. Writing a story about it may be my first step 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Paula Light says:

    Wonderful writing 💖

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Paula, thank you!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Hm … I can see the daughter in the mother but … oy vey, I hope she takes a gentler path …. Well done!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you for your thoughtful response, Na’ama. I hope so too!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. 🙂 You’re welcome. Very nicely done piece, that!

        Liked by 3 people

  6. Dale says:

    Something tells me your MC is not even surprised at her Mama’s last words… Might be why she upped at left MI for HI 😉
    Excellent!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Dale you got it. Thanks for reading and your comment 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Dale says:

        Ah hah… 😉

        Liked by 3 people

  7. Dear Lisa,

    In one last line you explain why the narrator had to leave her family behind. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Dear Rochelle,
      Thank you for understanding.
      Shalom,
      Lisa

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ain Starlingsson says:

    Powerfully done…vivid…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Ain.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. badfinger20 (Max) says:

    love love the twist Lisa…that is dark and I love it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Max 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Fandango says:

    Love those last words!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Fandango!

      Liked by 2 people

  11. memadtwo says:

    Harsh. There’s another story behind those words. (K)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Oh yes, there is.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. draliman says:

    I thought “how sweet”. Then I scrolled down and read the last line 🙂
    What’s an “MI winter”?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      MI is abbreviation for Michigan. Do you think I should write out the State instead of abbreviation?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. draliman says:

        Ah, thanks! Not being from America it didn’t click with me that it was an abbreviation for a state.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. msjadeli says:

          Makes sense, thanks!

          Liked by 1 person

  13. Sandra says:

    Now that WAS a turn around! A real cliff-hanger.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      🙂 Thank you, Sandra.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. That was quite the emotional exit! Well done, Jade.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Mason.

      Liked by 2 people

  15. The Hinoeuma says:

    Wait. Is that a true story?

    Liked by 2 people

  16. J. says:

    No room for love in that heart, that’s for sure!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. jenne49 says:

    Geeze, what a twist, Lisa!
    Delivered a punch right to my stomach.
    Great writing.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Jenne, thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. GHLearner says:

    I’m a bad person, this had me laughing. What a last line. No wonder the narrator ran. Great writing.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      I love your response! Thank you, Gah.

      Liked by 2 people

  19. What a great shocker of a last line. Something tells me this one has a big back story waiting to be explored. What say!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Neel, the backstory would take several volumes. Thank you for reading and your comment 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  20. plaridel says:

    good for her. her sense of humor remained intact even in death.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Plaridel 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  21. WOW … I hope the mother is happy now.
    YIKES, even as she died she couldn’t give her daughter a break.
    Poerwful write, Lisa.
    Have a super weekend … stay safe and be well 😷
    Isadora 😎

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Isadora, thank you for reading and thank you for your kind and sensitive comment. I echo those feelings back to you. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  22. hardly expected that …for better or worse i loved it!!!💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Cindy! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. pleasure!!!💖🤣

        Liked by 1 person

  23. Laurie Bell says:

    Ouch, wow what a last bitter line. Well done. She obviously left for the right reasons.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Laurie, thank you, and I agree.

      Like

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