Til Death
Blind, fumbling amongst bramble
I’m lost
abandoned, bereft in enemy terrain
without
shoes, hungry, under cold heaven’s regard
our love
fast-fading sunshine to vacuum gloom
your laugh
seeps up in mist from your forever lie
my tomb.
Today’s poem is in the Waltmarie form, which is “a 10 line poem, any subject, even numbered lines are 2 syllables and form their own poem when read separately. Odd lines are longer with no specific syllable count.”
Carrie is today’s host of The Sunday Muse.
Tao Talk 
Interesting form. Well done.
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Thanks, Ken!
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Oh I love this song! Great poem too 🙂
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Thanks, Paula 🙂
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Love your Waltmarie … reminder it’s a form I would enjoy trying again. And oh my, The Band … memories of their albums and my teenagers blasting the music to high heaven! My firstborn named his first boat The Evangeline.
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Helen, delighted it evoked such pleasant memories for you.
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Fascinating short form, Li, and I will add it to my collection.Everything here is underlit, shadowed with memory, and very immediate. And the way the Band does that old folk tune has always been a favorite; chills the blood, and suits your mood here perfectly–the forever lie, indeed. I especially like the play between the two word lines and their bookends–very well-crafted, and the last two lines are haunting.
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Joy, thank you very much for your feedback and happy to know it connected with you.
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Wistful and lovely ; this holds so much depth and feeling. A wonderful Waltmarie Lisa!
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Carrie, thank you ❤
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Intriguing format worth a try, and I loved “The Long Black Veil” !!
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Beverly, glad to have pleased you with the format and the song.
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Your poem sounds pretty scary to me. And while the lyrics of that Band tune aren’t exactly cheerful either and as such are a great match, I love the warmth of the music!
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Christian, it is scary in some ways and takes its toll on the human spirit. I love seeing these guys performing after The Last Waltz, where Levon gets out from behind the drums and Garth gets out from behind his keyboards.
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I take it the relationship ended in a bad way.
The form is neat but hard. Hardest is to make the second line a poem in it’s own right and yet keep it at only two syllables, or vice versa. Some of yours are, others require a stretched imagination. E.g. “amongst”, the second line.
The poem is nice and for me intriguing with a twist towards the end.
I’ll let you know if I ever try. The NASA Engineer in my blood (and my first really good career) tells me to work up five two syllable poems for each of the five even lines and the fill in the odd lines to make sense with what has been done.
I’ll play with that in my spare time.
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Jim, this relationship did end badly, one way or another. I think your writing strategy on it is sound and you can tweak it at-will. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with. Thanks much 🙂
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I have not heard of that form. Interesting.
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🙂
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Very moving poem Li.
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Sadje, thank you. I felt it when I wrote it.
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That is apparent in your words and lines.
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Interesting form and poem. I will have to bookmark this one.
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Happy to have intrigued you, Truedessa.
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Enjoyed this poem to the core. Specially loved the poem within a poem technique. Wonderful to learn a new poetic form. Thank you Lisa.
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Thank you, Sumana, I like the form also. My pleasure for sharing it.
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That feeling of loss and bewilderment so movingly haunting. Well written, Li.
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Thank you, Punam.
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For some reason, I caught a flash of Dante in this poem in addition to a chill. Atmospheric.
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Thank you for sharing what you see in it.
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Made me think of those who are homeless at the borders of countries that could feed them, war them, give them a home. But instead they are left like a thrown away item, to die.
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Sorry to make you think of sad situations, Syl. I feel bad for those poor souls as well.
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So much emotion–the short line poem is particularly effective. (K)
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Thanks, Kerfe. I’ve been thinking about changing “laugh” to “grave” but maybe it’s too blunt?
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Laugh gives the character a life beyond the grave, but grave would pack a punch. Depends on what effect you prefer.
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Enjoyed your Waltmarie
Happy Sunday
Much love…
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Thank you, Gillena 🙂
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It certainly is a good form Jade! Will try it forthwith. Thanks for sharing
Hank
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Hank, can’t wait to see what you do with the form 🙂
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ah, this feels like the deception of love, falling blindly into the con of trust, and no arms to catch you. very well worded, all of it sounded very smooth.
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Phillip, thanks much for your close read of the poem.
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Very well done, Lisa. Great choice of music as well!
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Thanks, Sara!
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You picked a great song to go with it. When I read of it I thought of Danko
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This a really good version of it too. Sorry to make you think of Danko if in a grieving way.
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No…I always felt for him dying as young as he did and when I read it and saw him…it fit
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