TSM 194 — Til Death

Til Death

Blind, fumbling amongst bramble
I’m lost
abandoned, bereft in enemy terrain
without
shoes, hungry, under cold heaven’s regard
our love
fast-fading sunshine to vacuum gloom
your laugh
seeps up in mist from your forever lie
my tomb.

Today’s poem is in the Waltmarie form, which is “a 10 line poem, any subject, even numbered lines are 2 syllables and form their own poem when read separately. Odd lines are longer with no specific syllable count.”

Carrie is today’s host of The Sunday Muse.

45 Comments Add yours

  1. Interesting form. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Paula Light says:

    Oh I love this song! Great poem too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks, Paula 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Helen Dehner says:

    Love your Waltmarie … reminder it’s a form I would enjoy trying again. And oh my, The Band … memories of their albums and my teenagers blasting the music to high heaven! My firstborn named his first boat The Evangeline.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Helen, delighted it evoked such pleasant memories for you.

      Like

  4. hedgewitch says:

    Fascinating short form, Li, and I will add it to my collection.Everything here is underlit, shadowed with memory, and very immediate. And the way the Band does that old folk tune has always been a favorite; chills the blood, and suits your mood here perfectly–the forever lie, indeed. I especially like the play between the two word lines and their bookends–very well-crafted, and the last two lines are haunting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Joy, thank you very much for your feedback and happy to know it connected with you.

      Like

  5. Carrie V. H. says:

    Wistful and lovely ; this holds so much depth and feeling. A wonderful Waltmarie Lisa!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Carrie, thank you ❤

      Like

  6. Beverly Crawford says:

    Intriguing format worth a try, and I loved “The Long Black Veil” !!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Beverly, glad to have pleased you with the format and the song.

      Like

  7. Your poem sounds pretty scary to me. And while the lyrics of that Band tune aren’t exactly cheerful either and as such are a great match, I love the warmth of the music!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Christian, it is scary in some ways and takes its toll on the human spirit. I love seeing these guys performing after The Last Waltz, where Levon gets out from behind the drums and Garth gets out from behind his keyboards.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Jim says:

    I take it the relationship ended in a bad way.
    The form is neat but hard. Hardest is to make the second line a poem in it’s own right and yet keep it at only two syllables, or vice versa. Some of yours are, others require a stretched imagination. E.g. “amongst”, the second line.
    The poem is nice and for me intriguing with a twist towards the end.
    I’ll let you know if I ever try. The NASA Engineer in my blood (and my first really good career) tells me to work up five two syllable poems for each of the five even lines and the fill in the odd lines to make sense with what has been done.
    I’ll play with that in my spare time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Jim, this relationship did end badly, one way or another. I think your writing strategy on it is sound and you can tweak it at-will. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with. Thanks much 🙂

      Like

  9. Sherry Marr says:

    I have not heard of that form. Interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sadje says:

    Very moving poem Li.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sadje, thank you. I felt it when I wrote it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        That is apparent in your words and lines.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Truedessa says:

    Interesting form and poem. I will have to bookmark this one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Happy to have intrigued you, Truedessa.

      Like

  12. Sumana Roy says:

    Enjoyed this poem to the core. Specially loved the poem within a poem technique. Wonderful to learn a new poetic form. Thank you Lisa.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sumana, I like the form also. My pleasure for sharing it.

      Like

  13. That feeling of loss and bewilderment so movingly haunting. Well written, Li.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Punam.

      Like

  14. wyndolynne says:

    For some reason, I caught a flash of Dante in this poem in addition to a chill. Atmospheric.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you for sharing what you see in it.

      Like

  15. Syl says:

    Made me think of those who are homeless at the borders of countries that could feed them, war them, give them a home. But instead they are left like a thrown away item, to die.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sorry to make you think of sad situations, Syl. I feel bad for those poor souls as well.

      Like

  16. memadtwo says:

    So much emotion–the short line poem is particularly effective. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks, Kerfe. I’ve been thinking about changing “laugh” to “grave” but maybe it’s too blunt?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. memadtwo says:

        Laugh gives the character a life beyond the grave, but grave would pack a punch. Depends on what effect you prefer.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Gillena Cox says:

    Enjoyed your Waltmarie
    Happy Sunday

    Much love…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Gillena 🙂

      Like

  18. kaykuala says:

    It certainly is a good form Jade! Will try it forthwith. Thanks for sharing

    Hank

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Hank, can’t wait to see what you do with the form 🙂

      Like

  19. ah, this feels like the deception of love, falling blindly into the con of trust, and no arms to catch you. very well worded, all of it sounded very smooth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Phillip, thanks much for your close read of the poem.

      Like

  20. Very well done, Lisa. Great choice of music as well!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. badfinger20 (Max) says:

    You picked a great song to go with it. When I read of it I thought of Danko

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      This a really good version of it too. Sorry to make you think of Danko if in a grieving way.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. badfinger20 (Max) says:

        No…I always felt for him dying as young as he did and when I read it and saw him…it fit

        Liked by 1 person

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