dVerse — Monday Haibun — Solstice

on
mom in 2018
mom in 2018

Mom will not see another solstice in this life. Day is night and night is day as night approaches. They say the morphine is to help with breathing and for the pain; but mom was breathing ok before and she had no pain other than that of the children she bore and the grandchildren she raised not stopping by to see her. They say karma will take care of dastardly deeds, but why does it need to be now, when she is at death’s door?

They say that hearing is the last to go. Today, as I sit at her bedside, rubbing her arms and hands with lotion and looking for a sign, I sing her songs to help her on her way. “Presence of the Lord,” “He’s everything to me,” and “Golden Slumbers.” She is at peace. I hope she hears them.  I hope she hears when I tell her I’m sorry for not being the daughter she wanted me to be. I hope she hears me tell her I love her and that I want her to stay, yet I know she has to go.

Nurse holds the morphine
as her chest rises and falls
faint now; voices fade…

Frank J Tassone is today’s host of dVerse’ Monday Haibun.  Frank says:
New to haibun? The form consists of one to a few paragraphs of prose—usually written in the present tense—that evoke an experience and are often non-fictional/autobiographical. They may be preceded or followed by one or more haiku—nature-based, using a seasonal image—that complement without directly repeating what the prose stated.

56 Comments Add yours

  1. My heart goes out to you Lisa at this difficult time. This is a most beautiful Haibun. Bless you and your mom ❤️💔

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Christine, thank you for the blessings. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are in my thoughts Lisa ☺️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Paula Light says:

    Hugs Lisa. Such a poignant piece of writing 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Paula thank you for the hugs. Much needed.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. oh Lisa, sending you love and light to you and your mom. raw and painful. May she blessed in light and Gods grace.. Take good care!💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Cindy thank you for your kindness ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re so welcome Lisa!💕🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

        Liked by 1 person

  4. calmkate says:

    sorry for your pending loss Lisa, having that time together to heal is so essential 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Dear Kate. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sadje says:

    Sending you hugs and prayers Li. May the journey ahead be easy for you both. Beautiful poem

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Dear Sadje, thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        Lots of love

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Beautifully written and expressed, but sobering and sad. This piece is so powerful

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much.

      Like

  7. Beautifully heartrending, Lisa. I’ve been there, with both parents. I’m sorry for your pending loss.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Frank, thank you and sorry you have been through this also. ❤

      Like

  8. memadtwo says:

    Jade, I’m so sorry. She does hear, I’m sure. Xxoo K.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Badfinger (Max) says:

    Lisa I’m so sorry…she does hear you…that I’m sure of. I believe my mom heard me also.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Max thank you ❤

      Like

  10. rothpoetry says:

    This is such a deep heartfelt haibun, Lisa. I am sorry to hear your mother is close to the end of her life. You are the best daughter any mother could ask for!
    Dwight

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Dwight, I am sorry to say my mom passed on this afternoon. Thank you for your kind words.

      Like

      1. rothpoetry says:

        Oh, I am so sorry Lisa. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          Thank you, Dwight, much appreciated.

          Liked by 1 person

  11. So sorry Lisa! Nothing but love here.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Petru thank you. My mom passed on this afternoon.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah! I’m so sorry. No matter one’s own age, the gap left is huge. Mothers are such an enormous part of our lives. Consider yourself deeply in your mourning. Much love Lisa.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. This tugs at the heart… how difficult. </3

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

      Like

  13. Reena Saxena says:

    Can relate to this totally. My Mom passed away yesterday, after a 3-day battle in the Intensive Care Unit.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      OH NO, Reena. My deepest sympathy to you and the other loved ones left behind. My mom passed on this afternoon. {{{HUGS}}}

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Reena Saxena says:

        My empathy and condolences!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          thank you and to you

          Liked by 1 person

  14. Barbara S says:

    thanks for writing this so raw, Lisa –

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      ❤ Barbara thanks for your thoughts.

      Like

  15. Dale says:

    Oh, that was so poignant, I could feel all the emotions swirling in the words left unsaid, hidden amongst those that were.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      My mom passed yesterday in her sleep.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Dale says:

        Oh, I am so sorry, Lisa. I send you lots of hugs and offer you my deepest condolences.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. msjadeli says:

          Dale, thank you ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  16. Lisa, I’m so sorry. Your poem is just heart-breaking to read. If there’s any consolation, at least your mom is no longer suffering. My thoughts are with you and your family, and I wish you guys the necessary strength to cope with your loss.

    I was very close to my mother-in-law. I used to call her my second mom. In fact, she had lived with us for several years until we unfortunately could no longer take care of her. When she passed in October 2020, it was pretty rough.

    My parents are still alive, both in their mid-80s. I’m supposed to see them in late July after more than 2 years. The thought the inevitable is going to happen at some point is already a nightmare.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Christian, thank you so much for your words. Knowing you’ve gone through the loss of your second mom after caring for her for so long had to be devastating when she passed on. I’m very happy you will be seeing your folks in July. Please give them extra hugs from me ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  17. So very sorry for your loss Lisa.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      thank you Carol

      Like

  18. Grace says:

    A very moving haibun. I am sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Grace thank you ❤

      Like

  19. Rob Kistner says:

    My god Lisa, I am so very very sorry my friend. Your deep sadness breaks my heart. I cry as I write this. May your mother soon be at peace, and may you find peace and strength in the memories, and the love you share with her, now in her time of leaving, as you did for the entirety of your life together with her. The beautiful memories, and that love, will last forever. ✌🏼❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Rob, *thank*you* for your gentle and wise words ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Rob Kistner says:

        For you my friend! ✌🏼

        Liked by 1 person

  20. You have my deepest condolences, Lisa. I can totally relate on not being the daughter your mom wanted. But we all do the best we can, right? Please keep in mind, one’s death bed is a sacred space – what a blessing for you to have been there with her. Wishing you love, light, and peace in abundance. 🌞

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      ❤ ❤ thank you, Lisa ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Vartika says:

    Sorry for your loss lisa

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Vartika, thank you very much.

      Like

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