From wikipedia:
Linkin Park is an American rock band from Agoura Hills, California. The band’s lineup consists of vocalist/rhythm guitarist/keyboardist Mike Shinoda, lead guitarist Brad Delson, bassist Dave Farrell, DJ/turntablist Joe Hahn and drummer Rob Bourdon, with vocalist Chester Bennington. Vocalist Mark Wakefield was an early member prior to Bennington’s recruitment. Categorized as alternative rock, Linkin Park’s earlier music spanned a fusion of heavy metal and hip hop, while their later music features more electronica and pop elements.
Formed in 1996, Linkin Park rose to international fame with their debut studio album, Hybrid Theory (2000), which became certified Diamond by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). Released during the peak of the nu metal scene, the album’s singles’ heavy airplay on MTV led the singles “One Step Closer”, “Crawling” and “In the End” all to chart highly on the US Mainstream Rock chart. The lattermost also crossed over to the #2 spot on the nation’s Billboard Hot 100.
Chester (b. 3/20/76 – d. 7/20/17) first gained prominence as a vocalist following the release of Linkin Park’s debut album, which was a worldwide commercial success. He continued as the band’s lead vocalist for their next six studio albums. Chester formed his own band, Dead by Sunrise, as a side project in 2005. He became the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots in 2013 but left in 2015 to focus solely on Linkin Park. As an actor, he appeared in films such as Crank (2006), Crank: High Voltage (2009), and Saw 3D (2010).
Bennington struggled with depression and substance abuse for most of his life, starting in his childhood. On July 20, 2017, he was found dead at his home in Palos Verdes Estates, California. The coroner concluded that his death was a result of suicide by hanging. Hit Parader magazine placed Bennington at number 46 on their list of the “Top 100 Metal Vocalists of All Time.” Bennington has been ranked by several publications as one of the greatest rock vocalists of his generation.
Normally I don’t share too much information about a musician’s early life, but because of the topic of mental health this week, I think it is important.
At age seven, an older male friend sexually abused Chester. He was afraid to ask for help, not wanting people to think he was gay or a liar, and the abuse continued until age 13. Years later, he revealed the abuser’s name to his father but chose not to press charges.
Chester’s parents divorced when he was 11 years old. The abuse and his situation at home affected him so much that he felt the urge to “kill everybody and run away.” To comfort himself, Chester drew pictures and wrote poetry and songs. After the divorce, his father gained custody of him. He started abusing alcohol, marijuana, opium, cocaine, meth, and LSD. He was bullied in high school, stating in an interview that he was “knocked around like a rag doll at school, for being skinny and looking different.”
I heard this song way back when it first came out and it resonated with me back then with its intensity and its vulnerability. If ever a “mental illness” was created through repeated trauma this is one of those situations. Almost certainly, Chester was suffering with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Then later his being bullied for “looking different” in high school couldn’t have helped matters. Chester was a tortured teenager. He tried various ways to cope, including rage, thoughts of escaping, and using art and writing to try and process the trauma. So many times individuals can’t stand the anguish, flashbacks, etc. of their trauma and try to numb it with mind-altering substances.
Like I said earlier, “Crawling” resonated with me for many reasons. When I read that Chester had been victimized as a child, I immediately recognized the song as being about him. In the video, the subject of intimate partner violence is a female and tells her story, but as you watch the video when he sings, “Against my will, I stand beside my own reflection” he is standing as a mirror reflection with the woman. To me it is clear he’s singing about his own abuse.
I could say a lot more about childhood trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder, but I will leave it there. I will say, however, if you have been the victim of childhood trauma, help is available to you. If you’re wondering how affected you were by it, there is a simple assessment tool you can take online, called the ACE, (Adverse Childhood Experiences) that can be helpful. Find the quick questionnaire here. Know that help is available and childhood trauma can be processed at any age with good success.
Crawling
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There’s something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence
I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take
I’ve felt this way before, so insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will, I stand beside my own reflection
It’s haunting, how I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence
I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take
I’ve felt this way before, so insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real
(There’s something inside me)
(That pulls beneath the surface)
(Consuming)
Confusing what is real
(This lack of self control I fear is never ending)
Controlling
Confusing what is real
Written by:
Joseph Hahn, Brad Delson, Mike Shinoda, Robert G. Bourdon, Chester Charles Bennington
Album: Hybrid Theory
Released: 2000
Jim Adams is the host of Song Lyric Sunday. This week Jim wants us to share a song about mental health.
Tao Talk 
There is a lot of pain in the singer’s voice and your post explained that very well, Lisa.
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Thank you, Jim. It haunts me to know how many people are out there suffering :(
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This is so heartbreaking, Lisa. The magnitude of emotional pain and the incredible number of people who are suffering is tragic. The anguish people cause each other is mind-boggling. Thank you for sharing this and providing the information at the end of your post; it just might help someone reading this. 🙏🏼 💙
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Thank you, Nancy, for your sincere and sensitive comment. I hope anyone who is hurting will make the call or seek help from friends or professionals. Support is everything on the path of healing <3
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It was there for me when I needed it the most. 🪽🪽
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{{{HUGS}}}
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So sad about what happened to him. I remember reading about him when it happened.
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It tore me up when I heard. Such needless suffering :(
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It is…anyone who go through that is horrible.
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I don’t really know much of the band, so this was a new one for me. A very powerful song.
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Thanks for listening and yes, very powerful.
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Well written. The things you don’t know about people.
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M, thank you.
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I love Linkin Park and I also like Fort Minor, another band of Mike Shinoda’s. Thank you for sharing this. It is very relevant and I’m glad people are talking about it. Sexual abuse is something that affects a person their whole life, sometimes without them knowing or understanding it. Sadly, suicide, addiction, are often the result. They don’t need to be.❤️🙏🏻
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Well-said, Melissa. Keeping it in the shadows lets it hold its power. When shared, it dissipates and leaves space for healing.
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There is much darkness untold in this world.
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That’s why we have to work twice as hard for the light. Wishing you a beautiful evening (around midnight there now I think) and a lovely warm and shiny day tomorrow.
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My sister-in-law’s favourite band.
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They know how to make good music and get their message across. Your sister-in-law has good taste in music.
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This is a heartbreaking story, Lisa. No child or adult should deal with abuse. Creating music is a wonderful way to release pain. Thank you for sharing the helpful information at the end.
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Eugi, yes it is and no they shouldn’t have to. Creating music not only heals the person but it turns the darkness to light. My pleasure on sharing info on help for trauma victims.
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💖
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I’d heard the name of this band, but this is the first song I’ve heard. So good, and yet so disturbing to know about the troubles the singer had gone through.
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I know what you mean, Barbara. Also, I wonder about the look on the woman’s face at the end of the video. Has she gone insane?
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I haven’t listened to Linkin Park in a long time. Thanks for the backstory to this song. It gives it even more intensity and meaning. There are so many wonderful live versions too. Timeless. (K)
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I never really got into Linkin Park except for a few tunes.
The back story says so much and I can understand this song resonating with others who have suffered thus.
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Thanks for your sensitive comment, Dale. With the topic of mental health that song was the first one that came to mind, and I hope it reached someone who needed to hear it.
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I hope so, too.
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Wow, the minute I saw the band’s name I started thinking about how the lead singer used to scream a lot of the lyrics and how cathartic that was to listen to sometimes. And then there’s the picture of him screaming into the microphone, lol. God, it’s so sad, the things that happen and the help that could have kept people alive. Such tragedy and waste.
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<3 :( Yes
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I mostly know Linkin Park by name and what I’ve heard of their music generally isn’t so much my cup of tea, especially songs that incorporate rap elements. I’m not much into rap.
That said, “Crawling” has incredible intensity that’s hard to leave me cold. I also like the changes in dynamics. Gosh, it’s a really haunting song!
Chester Bennington’s story sounds very sad. It’s terrible how sexual and other abuse suffered during childhood can screw up a person for the rest of their life!
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Thanks for giving the song a chance, Christian. It is truly haunting. Many suffer silently and turn to self-harming behaviors :(
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I distinctly remember the first time listening to this album. I’d never liked all of the songs on a disk before, and they all seemed to speak right to me. Chester was amazingly talented. His lyrics helped me work through my own childhood issues at the time.
When he passed, I thought about how sad it is that he cradled an entire generation of broken people, helping them feel less alone, just to feel so alone himself that he felt he had to leave.
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<3
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Oh I love linkin park’s music so, so much! I relate to it so much!
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Carol Anne, glad you like the music as it reaches into the pain and brings a certain catharsis with it.
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