I am the oldest child.
When I was 10,
my parents divorced.
When my oldest was 10,
his dad and I divorced.
It wasn’t planned that way,
but in both cases it involved
unfortunate mismatches,
mental health issues,
and having had enough.
My oldest remains childless.
He’s escaped it -- for now.
Youngest’s child is now 3.
She has 7 years to ground zero.
Tao Talk 
Touches a nerve for me, how there do seem to be patterns in our family histories to some degree.
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Paul, glad/sad it touches a nerve for you.
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I hope history doesn’t repeat itself
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ME TOO. My granddaughter needs both of her parents to be there full time.
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By God’s grace they will.
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Ancestral binds. Your son will break the binds!
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I sincerely hope so, Colleen. Thanks for your supportive comment.
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HI Lisa, it is sad when marriages break down. I have been married 23 years and have known my husband for 27 years. We are well suited.
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Robbie, you are truly blessed with a well-suited partner. When you have two severely damaged individuals coming together and trying to be “normal” it can be a real challenge.
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Yes, I can imagine 🙏🩵
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Yea I was around 4 to 5 years old….I think I had it easier than you although either way sucks…I was so young I didn’t get it but someone older does…and that is probably worse.
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Max, do you remember a time when your dad was at your house and then later when he was gone? I know 4 to 5 is young, but I hope you do. Things RADICALLY changed once we moved away from that house, much better but in other ways much worse. My dad was quiet and our neighborhood was quiet. We moved into a very lively neighborhood full of kids, my mom worked nights, and we had a string of very interesting babysitters until I was old enough to take over. When mom and stepdad got together and his 2 kids moved in with us, things got real interesting. My stepdad was a larger than life and very loud guy that demanded order when he was home. Thankfully he was often gone for days at a time on the railroad.
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Yes I do Lisa. I remember mom and him fighting all of the time. I also remember the day he tried to eplain it to my sister, although she knew…and me. She is 8 years older…I put a screwdriver against his wheel to cause a flat so he wouldn’t go…I saw this happen before where mom got a flat running over a screw driver. My sister saw me and took it away.
I got a stepdad later on…but he was a wonderful guy who taught me to be…good or bad…. who I am now. I also had a 2nd stepdad….I was 16 by that time and him and I did not get along…but that was ok…him and mom split up 2 years later.
Babysitters… I had one…mom found this teen…she was good as gold in front of mom…but she was so mean to me. I was a pretty good kid who asked questions. She locked me in a closet after she hit me with a belt…mom came home and all hell broke loose. Mom dragged her out by her hair…that is the most upset I ever saw mom. From then on…I went on dates with my sister…and was a latch key kid when I was 8
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I’m glad you stayed connected with your dad and it sounds like you cared about him or wouldn’t have done what you did with the screwdriver to keep him from leaving. I do remember you telling me about that babysitter before and your mom going medieval on her. I do not remember the part about her locking you in the closet :( I am glad your 1st stepdad was good to you. At 16 I don’t think teenagers get along with most authority figures, but I hope your 2nd stepdad didn’t hurt you or put you down, etc. I got my stepdad at around age 12 and I treated him horribly. He ran our family like a sergeant and treated my brothers (and his kids) like slaves and threw them around. He never laid a hand on me, except once, when he jacked up against the wall. I deserved it. I look back and am thankful he put some structure in our lives. My main beef was with my mom. She made my life a living hell and loved to yank my hair, slap me, sit on me, etc. when I got mouthy and I got mouthy a lot.
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I know the type of Sgt like you are talking about. That would have been hard for me also. I never had to deal with someone like that. I can see that it would put structure though but with teens…that style doesn’t work well.
My mom was hard as hell on my sister…but not me. Is there something with mothers and daughters? She treated us completely different. Now…I was better in general lol…but still.
Yea my dad and I always got along well until about 2 years before he died. We went through some conversations where I realized I was pissed about what had happened…we talked it out and everything was fine…it only lasted around 2-3 months.
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Max, I think the bonds and the clashes depend more on the personalities than the genders most of the time. My mom was hell on wheels with all of us, but she targeted my stepbrothers the worst. My stepdad screamed and ordered all of us but did not brutalize me like he did the boys. I do think moms can have a tendency to “compete” with their daughters, especially if they both have issues with moods. Dads maybe the same thing with their sons? Also if two personalities are too alike they can clash. I do not remember my mom hitting or hurting any of the boys but oh man I got it all, but I had an oppositional attitude and a mouth that wouldn’t quit. Our egos battled until the day she died :( Since the grandbaby came along, I’ve had to set my ego aside, as my younger son is a lot like me.
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Yes I would agree…my dad was much easier on Tammy than on me. Much more… but since he didn’t live with us after I was a little older I didn’t see that as much until I got older. I remember Tammy having to tell mom she was pregnant at 17…mom had a cow but dad told mom…hey….it’s spilt milk at this point…just be happy….with me he was harder and mom was softer…but Tammy constantly got into some kind of trouble in school…I just didn’t get caught lol. My sister and I though never really had a rough spot. We have always got along.
I can relate to what you went through because of seeing what my sister went through.
I’m glad you are going well with your kids…Bailey and I really don’t have any trouble like that…the main argument between us was being home at Christmas.
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Marriages undoubtedly can have their challenges. Oftentimes, they require comprise. Sometimes the differences and other challenges are too overwhelming, and separation is the only sustainable way.
I was fortunate my parents didn’t divorce, even though their relationship wasn’t without challenges. In the end they made it work.
While I’m not opposed to divorce and recognize there are cases where it’s necessary, I guess I am fairly traditional/conservative when it comes to marriage. I believe it is a commitment meant to last forever. Once you have kids, I feel that commitment becomes even bigger.
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Christian, thanks much for sharing your thoughts on it. It is hard on kids, no matter what. I think back on my divorce and the adjustments my kids were forced to make.
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Ground zero! Sincerely hope she’s not doomed to follow suit.
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<3 Thank you, Nancy.
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So many kids had to deal with that — heartbreaking.
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Wow, so vibrant! 💜🤩💜
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:)
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