This is one I wrote a year or two ago, for one of Rory’s challenges. It’s becoming a holiday tradition to post it.
New Years Eve: Elves and Vices
‘Twas the night before New Year and all through da club
Every creature was snorting to house tunes by Dub.
Us Imps we were hung and we hoped to get laid
We’d worked Christmas overtime and’d just gotten paid.
The ladies were strung out by the DJ with crinkles
While visions of powder had them offering their kinkles
Me in my leather and Scoobie in his cap
Had just settled down for hot dances on our laps
When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter
Away to middle I flew like a flash,
Hand on my 9mm, ready to blast
The mirrorball on the breasts of the pole dancers showed
Who was punching, who was packing, who was ready to glow
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But an Elf in red leather and holding a beer
My boss, a fat bast*rd so lively and quick
Musta slipped Ms. a rufe, I’ll be damned, ’twas St. Nick
More fly than Rick James, his dancing was hardy
And he whistled and shouted and yelled, “Start this party!”
“On Cherish, on Chasity, on Twiggy and Vixen
On Donna, on Kewpid, on Lana and Trixin!
To the top of the pole, to the top of da club!
Now, dance away, dance away, rub on my nub!”
As Dub cranked the jams, Santa and us Imps got cranking,
Glugging whisky and brandy got us ready for spanking
We and the ladies all thumped to the jams
Hootin’ and hollerin’ in the throng of our fans
And then in a twinkling, I heard by the door
The Po-Po were raiding, they cleared the floor
When they saw it was Santa they said never mind
They began to party with St. Nick and were soon doing fine
When midnight approached we each grabbed a hottie
Santa got first pick, Lana, with the best body.
As the clock struck 12 champagne overflowed
As we drank and we kissed, on wasted overload
We sloshed and we tongued til 12th ding of the clock
The nortiest partiers on da whole block
At the end of the night, when ’twas time to go
‘Ta sprang to his limo and left the show
I heard him exclaim, “Happy New Year to All
Make adventure your goal and you’ll have a ball!”
image link here
Tao Talk 
🤣😂🤣 Santa just went off the nice list! Happy New Year to you Lisa!
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:)
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Oh, what a riot! Thanks for such a funtastic beginning to the new year. Happy New Year, Li! 😂😂❤️
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Glad you got a laugh from it. A fun one to write. Happy New Year!
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“When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter”
I am laughing too hard from these lines. This is so comedically brilliant and truly a riot of all things that could only happen on New Year’s, of course. ;) Very well-written.
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Glad you got a chuckle out of it, Lucy. Santa’s elves like to work hard and they love to play hard lol
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Happy New Year, Lisa!
-David
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Happy New Year, David!
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Naughty Santa… lol.. Happy New Year Lisa!
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Hey all work and no play wears Santa out :)
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Well he will be more wore out now lol…
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Blimey
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lol
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In everyone’s dreams this year… (k)
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:)
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What a way to kick off the new year! 😂 Much more fun to read out loud. It was hard to stop laughing.
Happy New Year! Best wishes to you in 2021!
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So glad it got you chuckling. Thanks and to you also!
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Happy New Year, Lisa! 2021 has to be better!!!
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Yes it does!
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This is hilarious! I love it!
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Thanks much, Eugi :)
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Most welcome!
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Santa works so hard until Christmas morning, so I guess he needs to unwind, too!
Have you ever seen “The Christmas Chronicles” with Kurt Russell as Santa? That character just popped up in my mind while reading your story. Happy New Year, MsJadeLi!
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No but it sounds like maybe I should :)
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It’s a family movie, with a nice Christmas message, and a very cool Santa.
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Hahahaha, that is awesome! That needs to be a book
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How about a Christmas Special, shoulder to shoulder with Rudolph and Charlie Brown? :)
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Hahahaha! I don’t know how many parents would agree but I’d be there laughing!
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Hard to believe it’s almost time to kiss yet another year goodbye! Reading your blog has been a great pleasure, Lisa. Keep up the great work.👍
I also would like to wish you and your loved ones a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year!🍾🥂😀
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Thanks so much for your Good Cheer, Christian. I’ve enjoyed your comments and look forward to The Sunday Six with origin stories each week. Best Wishes to You and Yours for 2023 <3
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Love the one you’re with…Happy New Year! (K)
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Cheers My Friend :::raising a glass to you:::
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They a much more risque’ bunch than I’d have thought~
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What happens at da club stays at da club ;)
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ayes we all know that rule~
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Bad santa…A good giggle NY Dy
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Thanks a lot and glad you were entertained by ‘Ta and his Imps :)
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Santa knows how to unwind!
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Such a fun poem Lisa.. glad I didn’t miss this Santa diddly.. just found it. 🤣
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Cindy glad it gave you a smile. I had a blast writing it.
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Hahaha! You are a baaaaaad girl ;-)
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:::giggling::: uh huh :)
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Love it!
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It was fun to read it again, Lisa. Happy New Year! :-)
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Thanks, Christian! Just got home and will heading over to The Sunday Six in just a few :)
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You still got some time to get to it this year, Lisa!😆
Thanks for being such a frequent traveler and reader! And for all your comments!😀
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Yeppers! My pleasure, Christian, and thank you for always introducing me to new music and old gold refreshings.
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LOL…I loved it!!!
A Happy New Year as well!
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:) I had a blast writing it and still chortle as I read through it.
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It is really funny! I enjoyed yours and obbverses…
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I needed this, Love the images, and a good laugh too.
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Haha! Glad to make you laugh.
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:)
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My favorite line: I sprang from my ho to see what was the matter
Some of the funniest stuff I’ve read in a while, Lisa. Great job. I love it! 😂
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LOL I still laugh when I read it. Thanks so much!
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Most welcome, Lisa! Happy New Year! 🌟🎊💛
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That is one hell of an image. Mattel definitely can’t sue, right? 😁
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Gia, thanks! If Mattel sues, I’ll give Santa a ring ;)
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Great plan!
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:)
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:)
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Thanks for reposting, Lisa, it’s still fun to read. Happy New Year! :-)
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Welcome back, Christian. How was your dad? Do you have any posts on your visit I can read??
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Thanks, Lisa, while my visit was impacted by a nasty cough I developed shortly after my arrival, we made the best out of the situation. My dad was happy that I came, and so was I! :-)
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Happy New Year, Lisa! 🥳
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Happy New Year! <3
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LOL…
Happy New Year Lisa!
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Happy New Year, Max!
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Great fun. Happy New Year.
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You also, Robbie.
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🌞🤗
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Hahaha — who wuz it slipped who a rufie ? :-D LOL
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LOL Santa is the nortiest elf of them all. I don’t know how Mrs. Santa puts up with him!
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Wow.. who knew ??? :-D
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:)
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:) This was a good one. It had me LOLing.
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Well I would hope you’d be laughing at it. I laughed all the way through writing it. It was good luck to find that image also :)
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