One afternoon Harriet disappeared
Visible but she was no longer there
The moment had come she had always feared
The she she was simply no longer cared
Who she pleased or didn’t or how they fared
Lila now, such adventures she had planned
First to Red Rocks and her favorite band
Sixty-ish groupie to Eddie, why not?
Then atop Denali’s head she would stand
In wondrous freedom’s respite from deep thought.
Rosemary is the host of dVerse today and is introducing us to a new form for the next month called a Dizain. I tried to have a little fun with this one. I also split it in half.
Tao Talk 
This one made me smile!
LikeLiked by 2 people
:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
A nice journey with this, true to form–but the 4th line in the first stanza befuddled me: /the she she was simply no longer cared/ ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Harriet was the one being wracked by deep thoughts/worries that kept her from enjoying life. When Harriet “disappeared”, the “she/Harriet/worrier/carer” she was simply no longer cared (about all of that stuff she was worrying about).
LikeLike
Good for Harriet! (I mean Lila.) I liked the wit of ‘The she she was’ – a grammatically correct construction, even if a ‘that’ after the first ‘she’ is understood. The triumphant photo goes beautifully with the tale of your defiantly celebratory protagonist. And you handled the form perfectly.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Rosemary, thank you very much for your feedback and comment.
LikeLike
That mountain looks pretty high, but beautiful view. I like the freedom from deep thought.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Frank.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This made me smile :)
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m glad it did, thank you for reading and commenting :)
LikeLike
This was damned cool Lisa, and I loved the rhythm of it. Not easy to make a 10-syllable line flow with easy tempo — but you did it wonderfully!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks very much, Rob. Your feedback is appreciated.
LikeLike
Hooray for Harriet!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Kim!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great to let go of fears and explore your new fearless world.
I had to read your reply to Glenn to understand, though.
Not sure who “Lila” is — ?renamed herself. (You know me, I don’t like guessing in a poem). Also, is this fiction using this pic?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sabio I always appreciate your view and comments/feedback. Yes, Harriet, a kind of stuffy name (my grandma’s name) and Lila is my lithe/athletic-sounding so a new name with a new “fearless world” as you put it. Yes, it is fiction using the photo. I looked for pics of individuals at the top of Denali. If I’m going to dream it is going to be a big one. Are you going to write a dizain for dverse?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I see. I looked up Denali, btw, and learned about the two different “names.
I your poem, without more, “Harriet” and “Lithe” may not have the images you have (stuffy vs. athletic) in all readers, so perhaps other ways of conveying, if you re-write and less guessing will be needed. Also, Red Rock and Eddie — all unknown — all connect to 60s group? Unclear. Too many unnecessary unknowns perhaps. But you know me. I don’t like poems which are like puzzles — crosswords or sudoku. But lots of folks do. Yes, I plan to write, if I have time this weekend. And likewise, your feedback is always appreciated.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sabio I appreciated your constructive feedback, thank you. It was off the cuff and is rough and I agree it needs tweaking. Looking forward to what you write when you do, and I appreciate your receptiveness to feedback as well.
LikeLike
Good one, Lisa! You rock this difficult form like Lila rocks the ‘fine art’ of aging. Well done!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Susan, thank you so much and glad you enjoyed the poem :)
LikeLike
I agree that this poem has to be read carefully to fully understand the story, but it’s so full of fun and defiance that I had to love it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sarah, you tickle me with your comment. Thank you.
LikeLike
love the personal growth and defiance, you did very well with this tricky form :)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kate, thank you very much :) Yes it is tricky.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will get there eventually :)
LikeLiked by 1 person
This reminds me of a quote a heard not long ago. Question: How do you know when a poem is finished? Answer: when the poet abandons it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol really like that, not heard it before!
LikeLiked by 1 person
:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a lot of fun, that fourth line got me too but when I figured it out, it’s very clever!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much. Glad you connected with it.
LikeLike
Interesting. It was a bit puzzling to be the “Lila now”
Was it Harriet who let go of her old self to be now Lila – free adventrous spirit.
Much❤love
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly, Gillena, thank you for reading and commenting.
LikeLike
I like the contrast…perhaps two side of the same person. (K)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly so.
LikeLiked by 1 person