dVerse — Dizain — Respite

on

mountain climber summit top free picture

photo by Jean Beaufort

One afternoon Harriet disappeared
Visible but she was no longer there
The moment had come she had always feared
The she she was simply no longer cared
Who she pleased or didn’t or how they fared

Lila now, such adventures she had planned
First to Red Rocks and her favorite band
Sixty-ish groupie to Eddie, why not?
Then atop Denali’s head she would stand
In wondrous freedom’s respite from deep thought.

 

Rosemary is the host of dVerse today and is introducing us to a new form for the next month called a Dizain.  I tried to have a little fun with this one.  I also split it in half.

39 Comments Add yours

  1. This one made me smile!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Glenn A. Buttkus says:

    A nice journey with this, true to form–but the 4th line in the first stanza befuddled me: /the she she was simply no longer cared/ ?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Harriet was the one being wracked by deep thoughts/worries that kept her from enjoying life. When Harriet “disappeared”, the “she/Harriet/worrier/carer” she was simply no longer cared (about all of that stuff she was worrying about).

      Like

  3. Good for Harriet! (I mean Lila.) I liked the wit of ‘The she she was’ – a grammatically correct construction, even if a ‘that’ after the first ‘she’ is understood. The triumphant photo goes beautifully with the tale of your defiantly celebratory protagonist. And you handled the form perfectly.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Rosemary, thank you very much for your feedback and comment.

      Like

  4. Frank Hubeny says:

    That mountain looks pretty high, but beautiful view. I like the freedom from deep thought.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Frank.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ayala Zarf says:

    This made me smile 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      I’m glad it did, thank you for reading and commenting 🙂

      Like

  6. robtkistner says:

    This was damned cool Lisa, and I loved the rhythm of it. Not easy to make a 10-syllable line flow with easy tempo — but you did it wonderfully!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks very much, Rob. Your feedback is appreciated.

      Like

  7. kim881 says:

    Hooray for Harriet!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sabio Lantz says:

    Great to let go of fears and explore your new fearless world.
    I had to read your reply to Glenn to understand, though.
    Not sure who “Lila” is — ?renamed herself. (You know me, I don’t like guessing in a poem). Also, is this fiction using this pic?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sabio I always appreciate your view and comments/feedback. Yes, Harriet, a kind of stuffy name (my grandma’s name) and Lila is my lithe/athletic-sounding so a new name with a new “fearless world” as you put it. Yes, it is fiction using the photo. I looked for pics of individuals at the top of Denali. If I’m going to dream it is going to be a big one. Are you going to write a dizain for dverse?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sabio Lantz says:

        Oh, I see. I looked up Denali, btw, and learned about the two different “names.
        I your poem, without more, “Harriet” and “Lithe” may not have the images you have (stuffy vs. athletic) in all readers, so perhaps other ways of conveying, if you re-write and less guessing will be needed. Also, Red Rock and Eddie — all unknown — all connect to 60s group? Unclear. Too many unnecessary unknowns perhaps. But you know me. I don’t like poems which are like puzzles — crosswords or sudoku. But lots of folks do. Yes, I plan to write, if I have time this weekend. And likewise, your feedback is always appreciated.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          Sabio I appreciated your constructive feedback, thank you. It was off the cuff and is rough and I agree it needs tweaking. Looking forward to what you write when you do, and I appreciate your receptiveness to feedback as well.

          Like

  9. Good one, Lisa! You rock this difficult form like Lila rocks the ‘fine art’ of aging. Well done!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Susan, thank you so much and glad you enjoyed the poem 🙂

      Like

  10. I agree that this poem has to be read carefully to fully understand the story, but it’s so full of fun and defiance that I had to love it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sarah, you tickle me with your comment. Thank you.

      Like

  11. calmkate says:

    love the personal growth and defiance, you did very well with this tricky form 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Kate, thank you very much 🙂 Yes it is tricky.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. calmkate says:

        I will get there eventually 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          This reminds me of a quote a heard not long ago. Question: How do you know when a poem is finished? Answer: when the poet abandons it.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. calmkate says:

            lol really like that, not heard it before!

            Liked by 1 person

  12. sdtp33 says:

    This is a lot of fun, that fourth line got me too but when I figured it out, it’s very clever!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much. Glad you connected with it.

      Like

  13. gillena cox says:

    Interesting. It was a bit puzzling to be the “Lila now”
    Was it Harriet who let go of her old self to be now Lila – free adventrous spirit.

    Much❤love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Exactly, Gillena, thank you for reading and commenting.

      Like

  14. memadtwo says:

    I like the contrast…perhaps two side of the same person. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

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