(c) all rights reserved · dizain · dverse · poetry

dVerse — Dizain — Respite

mountain climber summit top free picture

photo by Jean Beaufort

One afternoon Harriet disappeared
Visible but she was no longer there
The moment had come she had always feared
The she she was simply no longer cared
Who she pleased or didn’t or how they fared

Lila now, such adventures she had planned
First to Red Rocks and her favorite band
Sixty-ish groupie to Eddie, why not?
Then atop Denali’s head she would stand
In wondrous freedom’s respite from deep thought.

 

Rosemary is the host of dVerse today and is introducing us to a new form for the next month called a Dizain.  I tried to have a little fun with this one.  I also split it in half.

39 thoughts on “dVerse — Dizain — Respite

    1. Harriet was the one being wracked by deep thoughts/worries that kept her from enjoying life. When Harriet “disappeared”, the “she/Harriet/worrier/carer” she was simply no longer cared (about all of that stuff she was worrying about).

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  1. Good for Harriet! (I mean Lila.) I liked the wit of ‘The she she was’ – a grammatically correct construction, even if a ‘that’ after the first ‘she’ is understood. The triumphant photo goes beautifully with the tale of your defiantly celebratory protagonist. And you handled the form perfectly.

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  2. Great to let go of fears and explore your new fearless world.
    I had to read your reply to Glenn to understand, though.
    Not sure who “Lila” is — ?renamed herself. (You know me, I don’t like guessing in a poem). Also, is this fiction using this pic?

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    1. Sabio I always appreciate your view and comments/feedback. Yes, Harriet, a kind of stuffy name (my grandma’s name) and Lila is my lithe/athletic-sounding so a new name with a new “fearless world” as you put it. Yes, it is fiction using the photo. I looked for pics of individuals at the top of Denali. If I’m going to dream it is going to be a big one. Are you going to write a dizain for dverse?

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      1. Oh, I see. I looked up Denali, btw, and learned about the two different “names.
        I your poem, without more, “Harriet” and “Lithe” may not have the images you have (stuffy vs. athletic) in all readers, so perhaps other ways of conveying, if you re-write and less guessing will be needed. Also, Red Rock and Eddie — all unknown — all connect to 60s group? Unclear. Too many unnecessary unknowns perhaps. But you know me. I don’t like poems which are like puzzles — crosswords or sudoku. But lots of folks do. Yes, I plan to write, if I have time this weekend. And likewise, your feedback is always appreciated.

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        1. Sabio I appreciated your constructive feedback, thank you. It was off the cuff and is rough and I agree it needs tweaking. Looking forward to what you write when you do, and I appreciate your receptiveness to feedback as well.

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  3. Interesting. It was a bit puzzling to be the “Lila now”
    Was it Harriet who let go of her old self to be now Lila – free adventrous spirit.

    Much❤love

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