Reena’s Exploration Challenge #82 and dVerse Villanelle with Slant Rhymes — Black Hole

This poem is a villanelle with slanted rhymes that is being submitted to dVerse, as well as being part of Reena’s challenge.

Reena is the host of Reena’s Exploration Challenge.  Reena says:

PROMPT
I am not a fatalist. I’m not obsessed with darkness. Yet, a landmark development in astronomy this week inspires me to remain on the periphery of the theme, but not get sucked inside.
Credit: NASA, BBC News
See if you can explore the science, give it a new twist, write a fairy tale or fables around it, or give it a totally new meaning. Black holes do not exist only in space. Many of us have those in our minds, when we cut ourselves off from the world.
FOR THE NEW ENTRANTS
There is no restriction on the length or format of the piece. Write a post on your blog, and link it up here with a pingback, or copy-paste the blog link in Comments.

Black Hole

At times my soul shrinks small and pinched
My heart in grief its beat suspends
A curse that which leaves hope impinged

My faculties become unhinged
Down through the portal I descend
As darkened soul sinks small and pinched

Then plopped into the sludge, I cringe,
Suspended murk of blind revenge
Trapped by that which leaves hope impinged

My thrashes faint, with weakened limbs
I pray to loose from this foul clench
This hell of soul shrunk small and pinched

Within the murk, so foreign, strange
I hear a call, a warming drench
A sound which lightens hope impinged

Like fuel inside a rocket ship
It lifts me from the darkened trench
Hope restored from curse that wrenched
My soul now soars, no longer pinched.

 

28 Comments Add yours

  1. robtkistner says:

    It’s wonderful when hope an be restored. Living without hope is not living. Nice write Jade… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much, Rob. It was awkward using the rhyme slants but at the same time easier because it opened up a much bigger word pool.

      Like

  2. Sabio Lantz says:

    A fun escape. But I doubt hell or a black hole would allow a mere rocket ship to escape. Smile.
    Fun rhymes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Funny! I needed more stanzas to build a teleportation device…

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Reena Saxena says:

    This is a difficult format, but you built up the spirit so well. I like the optimism in the pieces this week, despite the darkness of the subject.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Reena, I tried to complete the circuit of depression. I can’t wait to read the others’ offerings. Have only seen Len’s so far…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reena Saxena says:

    Reblogged this on Reena Saxena and commented:
    Black Hole …. by Jade Li

    Liked by 1 person

  5. theresaly520 says:

    Bravo for writing in the villanelle format! For me it’s difficult to do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      It is very difficult for me. It’s like playing chess!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. theresaly520 says:

        Yes, I think I still have a bubble chart with my attempts to write a villanelle.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          Is a bubble chart like a template?

          Like

          1. theresaly520 says:

            Sort of. It’s like a map where I organize cluster of words based on rhyme and relation. Charts help me organize my jumbled thoughts and keep track of characters or ideas.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. msjadeli says:

              Thank you for the explanation, Theresa.

              Liked by 1 person

  6. Ah, you opened up so many possibilities with your take on slant rhymes and variations on the repeating lines. And best of all, you entered the darkness and showed the path out the other side!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      ❤ 🙂 Thank you Victoria

      Like

  7. -Eugenia says:

    Oh, well done! Love this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you so much, Eugenia. It took some effort. I still don’t like the wording of the ending, but it turned out ok.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. -Eugenia says:

        You’re most welcome.

        Like

  8. Nicely done Jade Li. Going through all the stages to escape from the murk. Finally hearing a call that got you out of it. A call from inner self or someone else?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      It could be either. When I wrote it I was thinking another person. It could also be God ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I like this and feel the variation of lines rather than repetition works well and also the slanted rhymes help open up rather than constrain. I found this a metaphorical black hole that could speak to the condition of the soul or the ‘dark night’. Your last line does restore and I like the use of wrenched. Wonder whether leaving out ‘My’ for my hope might help the line length and adds more of the eternal into hope?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      I edited the last two lines. Put free instead of my in the next to last line and took my out of the last line. Take a look and see what you think.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Have put a comment on your villanelle. Have not returned to mine!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I like the freed soul but also ‘my’soul, my soul set free…..? Or now free. Or even reverse the two lines?? Sometimes we can keep on going with this editing but I think you have to feel when to stop!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      I appreciate your feedback. It helped me tighten up the end. Check it out now 🙂

      Like

  11. What a great description of depression. I think you’ve managed to rock ALL the prompts here – not an easy feat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sarah, your feedback is appreciated, thank you.

      Like

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