Chevrefeuilles is the host of Carpe Diem and asks us to use the following haiku by Gozan to create a Troiku.
the snow of yesterday
that fell like cherry blossoms
is water once again
© Gozan (1789)
the snow of yesterday
waters new seedlings today —
tomorrow’s juices
that fell like cherry blossoms
faint as butterfly kisses
on my fevered brow
is water once again
eyes cracked winter’s black ice
melt in your sun gaze
Please note that this is my first attempt at a Troiku. Any constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged. I don’t get better if I keep making the same mistakes over and over. Also, for Troiku, do each of the 3 lines from the original have to remain in their original positions in the haiku? I.E. line 1 in the original must remain line 1 in the first haiku of the troiku?
Tao Talk 
It flows beautifully I think. (K)
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Thank you, Kerfe! Are the 3 haiku in the troiku supposed to be a unified theme, or do they each stand alone? Not sure if you know?
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I’m not sure…Ken at https://rivrvlogr.com/ would be the one to ask. He does them all the time.
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OK, thanks.
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I try for “flow,” but as pointed out in another comment, that is left to the poet. There are times when the lines in the original haiku leave you scratching your head when it comes to unifying your troiku stanzas.
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I can see where that could be an issue. Also if there is enjambment (can there be enjambment in a haiku?) the first line looks like it is mid-sentence.
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I have seen haiku where it appears to be one phrase from start to finish. I suppose it’s a personal choice. If I have a haiku that seems to have one line running into another, it likely would be because I thought each line still could stand alone.
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Looks good to me.
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Thank you 🙂
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great job for a first time troiku!
(you can read more about Troiku@ the CDHK site – just check the side bar or top tabs for it)
and yes, in Troiku – each line of the original haiku becomes the Troiku’s first line – in succession – 🙂
i.e. haiku line 1 = Troiku line 1
haiku line 2 = Troiku line 1
haiku line 3 – Troiku line 1
(basically, from a haiku, as starting point, you are “creating” 3 new haiku, called “troiku”
some are “easier” than others – it depends on the “tense” of the original haiku – so sometimes, when playing around and constructing, it doesn’t necessarily make alot of sense – but the it’s still fun – LOL –
I really like your opening lines on the troiku – what a beautiful image – snow as nourishment … how lovely 🙂
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Wild Child, *thank you* for your comment. It helps. Question: are the 3 haiku supposed to be a unified theme, or can they to their own separate ways? Mine went their separate ways (as much as they could with the original lines anchoring them.)
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according to Chèvrefeuille, who created the Troiku – the 3 can be independent of the others, or can be linked, by a thread (of a story) – it’s as you wish or as it happens, 🙂
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Thanks again! Good to know 🙂
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These all are good points – as well as your note below about unifying.
I’ll add that Kristjaan is flexible when it comes to the syllable count of your new lines in the troiku, as seen in the examples he provides in the troiku link. If he wants a strict adherence to that in any prompt, he’ll state so.
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absolutely — great additional comments/notes to make 🙂
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Thank you, Ken. And thank you for the additional info on troiku. I’ve been reading yours for a bit and have liked how they turned out. I will keep on eye on Kristjaan’s prompt guidelines.
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Great first time Jade- I do them from time to time as well. I am posting mine for this prompt today.
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Thanks, Linda. I’ll check yours out.
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Sure!
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This flows nicely, and forms a cycle, with a sort of rebirth completing that.
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Thank you, Ken, I didn’t write them with a cycle in mind, at least not consciously. I’m glad it turned out that way 🙂
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