#MM Music Challenges — true love’s erasure

Music Challenge Badge

Jim Adams is the research-loving host of Mindlovemisery Menagerie’s Music Challenges.  Jim says:
The challenge today is to focus on this “The Race is On” and use it for inspiration in any form of creative expression.

Lyrics from the song,  “written by Don Rollins and first recorded as a demo by Jimmie Gray in 1961” are:
I feel tears wellin’ up
Cold and deep inside
Like my heart’s sprung a big break
And a stab of loneliness sharp and painful
That I may never shake
You might say that I was takin’ it hard
Oh,
But don’t you wager that I’ll hide the sorrow
When I may break right down and bawl
Well, the race is on
And here comes pride up the backstretch
Heartaches are goin’ to the inside
My tears are holdin’ back
They’re tryin’ not to fall
My heart’s out of the runnin’
True love’s scratched for another’s sake
The race is on and it looks like heartache
And the winner loses all
One day I ventured in love
Never once suspectin’
What the final result would be
How I lived in fear of wakin’ up each mornin’
Findin’ that you’re gone from me
There’s ache and pain in my heart
For today was the one I hated to face
Somebody new came up to win her
I wound up in second place
Well, the race is on
And here comes pride up the backstretch
Heartaches are goin’ to the inside
My tears are holdin’ back
They’re tryin’ not to fall
My heart’s out of the runnin’
True love’s scratched for another’s sake
The race is on and it looks like heartache
And the winner loses all

I decided to try an erasure poem on this to see what would shake out. I “bolded” the words I wanted to keep, then composed the poem with the bolded words at the end.

I feel tears wellin’ up
Cold and deep inside
Like my heart’s sprung a big break
And a stab of loneliness sharp and painful
That I may never shake
You might say that I was takin’ it hard
Oh,
But don’t you wager that I’ll hide the sorrow
When I may break right down and bawl

Well, the race is on
And here comes pride up the backstretch
Heartaches are goin’ to the inside
My tears are holdin’ back
They’re tryin’ not to fall
My heart’s out of the runnin’
True love’s scratched for another’s sake
The race is on and it looks like heartache
And the winner loses all


One day I ventured in love
Never once suspectin’
What the final result would be
How I lived in fear of wakin’ up each mornin’
Findin’ that you’re gone from me
There’s ache and pain in my heart
For today was the one I hated to face
Somebody new came up to win her
I wound up in second place


Well, the race is on
And here comes pride up the backstretch
Heartaches are goin’ to the inside
My tears are holdin’ back
They’re tryin’ not to fall
My heart’s out of the runnin’
True love’s scratched for another’s sake
The race is on and it looks like heartache
And the winner loses all

The erasure poem:

Image result for heartache painting

tears cold
heart’s stab
painful shake
hard oh
don’t hide sorrow
break down, bawl

race, pride up
heartaches
tears tryin’ to fall out
love’s scratched race
winner loses

ventured love
never suspectin’
final result
lived fear
you’re gone
ache and pain
hated to face
somebody new
wound up

on backstretch
goin’ inside
back
fall
runnin’
true love’s
scratched heart
lose all

 

image is “Deliberation” by Mario Sanchez Novato

10 Comments Add yours

  1. So that is how the erasure poem works. Very nice, I like it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks. It was my first erasure poem.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It looked like you had a lot of fun with this song and your poem was magnificent.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          I did and thanks 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Carol Anne says:

    Awesome 😀 really good!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Violet Lentz says:

    I had never heard of this form, but truly enjoyed what you did with it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Violet! Cherry picking the words and phrases that jump out is fun.

      Like

  4. memadtwo says:

    I like your distillation. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you! George makes it sound like an “up” song with his voice, but it’s a sad song.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.