dVerse — Whispers from the beach

 

A gentle sizzled whoosh of roaring speech
That never takes a chance to stop and rest
A voice that always whispers from the beach

The sand, now zoo of footprints pressed upon
From webbed and clawed escapees of the sea
Do not forget when water sole was on

‘Twas muffled then in distant gurgled word
At most a sigh from stolen bits of breath
Before the days of legs and wings of bird

When all formed life knew water as its way
When wind and rain from clouds did tap with sound
No earth nor mount did rise to offer bay

Such days gone now may rise again with sun
Where laws of man may shrivel on their lips
Where claws and wings may shrink along with tongue

The pungent blue, now white with salted tears
Transcends the times of past and present fears
A gentle sizzled whoosh of roaring speech
A voice for now that whispers from the beach

Today’s offering is a modified terzanelle, where each of the 5 tercets end with the rhyme sets and the concluding quatrain includes the first and the third lines of the first tercet. I used 10-syllable lines with pentameter.

Laura Bloomsbury is today’s host for dVerse.  Laura says:
For today’s prompt the challenge is to choose AT LEAST THREE RHYME SETS which I’ve taken from the above. These are:-

  • SPEECH/REST/BEACH
  • ON/SEA/UPON
  • WORD/BREATH/BIRD
  • WAY/SOUND/BAY
  • SUNG/LIPS/TONGUE

Write your poem as a rhyming tercet of 3 line stanzas though a composite 9 liner or more would do just as well
– Strict meter is not a requirement but for an extra challenge try pentameter (10 syllables to each line)
– You do NOT have to follow the ordered sequence of the above
– You may reverse the order of the 1st & 3rd words but otherwise keep the integrity of each rhyme set

53 Comments Add yours

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Bravo! I like that you stick to the rhythm as well as the rhyme. So many people find it hard to hear their words, but you got it just right.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Jane. It’s been a hard row to hoe for me with getting them.

      Like

      1. The point is though that you hear the words. It’s always tough getting the right rhyme, but an awful lot of us don’t even hear that the rhythm is wrong. It can only get easier 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautifully done! Your words are evocative and eloquent. I love the zoo of footprints, and the last stanza is brilliant. Very writerly!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Susan, thank you very much.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Frank Hubeny says:

    The sand on a beach does look like a “zoo of footprints”. I like how the blue transcends fears.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Frank.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sadje says:

    You’re so good.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      So happy you like the poem, Sadje.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        Always a pleasure to read your creations.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Beautifully done, and the way you ended the poem was creative.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much 🙂

      Like

  6. rivrvlogr says:

    Very well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Ken.

      Like

  7. Glenn A. Buttkus says:

    “Writerly” indeed. A lot of work done with this, and it all pays off. Again the Sea theme towers over the rest out here. I like the line /when all formed life knew water as its way/. I cringe with syllable counts and feet, but you soar with all of it; kudos.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Glenn, thank you very much. It’s been a struggle to get them to jump their hoops, but a labor of love.

      Like

  8. Very imaginative with some impressive imagery – the zoo of footprints in the sand. Well done on using all the rhyme sets and more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Laura.

      Like

  9. Carol Anne says:

    wow! absolutely amazing! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you Carol, Anne!

      Like

  10. memadtwo says:

    Beautiful! This made me think of a book I just read about octopus intelligence. The author talked a lot about how we all came from the sea. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      So very cool. I remember seeing a Jacques Cousteau special on octopuses years ago and never forgot it. How smart are they? I remember they could get into closed jars and escape some difficult traps in the lab.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. memadtwo says:

        They evidently are quite curious and adaptable. But as the author says, it’s an alien intelligence scientists are still trying to understand.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          “alien intelligence” piques my interest…

          Liked by 1 person

          1. memadtwo says:

            The book is “Other Minds” by Peter Godfrey-Smith. They do color displays too!

            Liked by 1 person

  11. rothpoetry says:

    Very nice Lisa! You have a great grasp on Poetry. I on thither hand have none when it comes to poetic form!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks, Dwight. I think your poetry rocks, form or no form (but you use forms well when you do use them!!!!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. rothpoetry says:

        Thank you Lisa. You are too kind! Today I missed it completely.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          Yipes! I just re-read through the comment section of your poem. ::smh:: A quote is coming to mind, “don’t let the ………. get you down.”

          Liked by 1 person

          1. rothpoetry says:

            I should have read more carefully!

            Like

  12. The sound of this is lovely – I agree with Jane, you have the rhythm off perfectly. I liked the circular nature of the form reflecting the circular nature of the story you tell. Love it when form fits like that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sarah, thank you, glad you enjoyed it.

      Like

  13. kim881 says:

    I agree with Jane about sticking to the rhythm and the rhymes, and I love how you start with a powerful sound, launching into the waves with a ‘sizzled whoosh of roaring speech’ and then turns to ‘whispers from the beach’ I also love the phrase ‘zoo of footprints’. But oh, the twist in the final stanzas, Jade-Lisa!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much, Kim. Glad you enjoyed it and thank you for the technical feedback!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. judeitakali says:

    Beautiful work on this and I’m just learning what a tarzanelle is from this so thank you so much Jade❤️😅

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      It’s actually a modification of one. In a regular one you’re using the words from the first tercet only to complete the rhyming down through it. Follow the link on it for more info. Glad you like it, Jude, thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. judeitakali says:

        Pleasure and thank you too

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          You’re welcome!

          Liked by 1 person

  15. Beverly Crawford says:

    It makes my head spin to read your description of your poem! I’m a seat of the pants novice and your skill in manipulating your poem to meet such restrictions amazes me. Bravo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Beverly, I enjoy the challenge of meeting the technical minimum requirements, but I have a long way to go in those extra flourishes that the real poets have. With time and practice, one day those will also come. Thank you for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed my poem.

      Like

  16. The rhythm in this matches the waves perfectly… you also manage to cover so much within the poem of nature and how we (mis)handle it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      🙂 Thank you. I like the way this one turned out and glad you picked up on the mishandling.

      Like

  17. Just Barry says:

    I hear the surf whispering through your poem and feel sand between my toes… I’m impressed by the unhurried pace of words here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks, Barry. I tried to channel the peace of the beach while writing it.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. lifelessons says:

    Love the zoo of footprints…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Judy, glad you like them.

      Like

  19. Gorgeous, lulling poem, Lisa. I guess, from reading many of these, I didn’t get that it all should be one poem. Oh well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sara, my interpretation of, “rhyming tercet of 3 line stanzas though a composite 9 liner or more” could be 3 separate tercets on a related theme but not necessarily one poem? I may be wrong!

      Like

      1. I hope you’re right!

        Liked by 1 person

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