dVerse — Poetics — The Warm Sky Woke Above

Peach Blossom Valley — Li Wan

The Warm Sky Woke Above
(The Flip)

The warm sky woke above;
         Below the cold earth dull;
                From tightly constrained,
                To an appealing refrain,
Of peaked heights, heat, and valleys of flora.
The heart of day, like life, did thump in
                Synched beat with rising sun.

The summery bouquet was rainbow;
         The verdant lush was seen;
                The butterflies flew
                Shimmered clouds in heaven’s blue chest,
Whose limits, apart from guides or thoughts,
Was unbound, ends lacking few coordinates
                Which the thawing deconstructed everywhere.

My aura dulled as compared
         with the sun’s burgeoned dare;
                As a molten lava stream
                Of a gold mountain’s seam
simmers brightly—so the light beamed there,
and it orange’d the plains laid smooth, aware,
                Still in the glory of day.

The sun undid the winter’s pale estranged affliction,
         Departing clouds undid corporeal gloom; convivial
                the day did join
                with patient optimists
to a thawed balm. Together, gravity abandoned,
among peach blossoms and violet-carpet valley,
                we dwell in contentment’s season.

I wasn’t sure whether to have the original poem go first or the flip of it, but since the original by Shelley is so good and so riveting, I chose to put it last.

Note to Shelley: Please, dear sir, take no offense at my messing with your poem. I can only hope that there were days when the script flipped for you.

The cold earth slept below
(The Original)
By Percy Bysshe Shelley

The cold earth slept below;
       Above the cold sky shone;
                And all around,
                With a chilling sound,
From caves of ice and fields of snow
The breath of night like death did flow
                Beneath the sinking moon.

The wintry hedge was black;
         The green grass was not seen;
                The birds did rest
                On the bare thorn’s breast,
Whose roots, beside the pathway track,
Had bound their folds o’er many a crack
                Which the frost had made between.

Thine eyes glow’d in the glare
         Of the moon’s dying light;
                As a fen-fire’s beam
                On a sluggish stream
Gleams dimly—so the moon shone there,
And it yellow’d the strings of thy tangled hair,
                That shook in the wind of night.

The moon made thy lips pale, beloved;
         The wind made thy bosom chill;
                The night did shed
                On thy dear head
Its frozen dew, and thou didst lie
Where the bitter breath of the naked sky
                Might visit thee at will.

I am today’s host at dVerse’ Poetics.  I say:
Today’s challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to pick one of these three pathways to use to write your poem:
1. Choose one of your favorite poems by another poet and “flip the script” on it as shown in the video. Please include both the original poem and poet’s attribution along with your flipped poem;
2.
Choose one of your OWN favorite poems and flip it. Please include your original poem along with your flipped poem;
3.
Write a diamante form poem.

top image link here

36 Comments Add yours

  1. kim881 says:

    Very well done for retaining the shape, Lisa! I especially enjoyed the flipped lines:
    ‘From tightly constrained,
    To an appealing refrain,
    Of peaked heights, heat, and valleys of flora’
    and
    ‘My aura dulled as compared
    with the sun’s burgeoned dare’.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much. It’s a miracle it translated on the page with WP editor!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. sanaarizvi says:

    So much to love here especially; “The sun undid the winter’s pale estranged affliction/Departing clouds undid corporeal gloom; convivial
    the day did join with patient optimists.” Woww! 💝💝

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sanaa thank you very much ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Goodness Lisa – Shelley would wish he had written your Opposite poem – it reads so well and the imagery is gorgeous. I enjoyed doing the comparisons too
    “the summery bouquet was rainbow;
    The verdant lush was seen;”

    versus
    “the wintry hedge was black;
    The green grass was not seen;”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Laura, that is high praise, thank you very much!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Ingrid says:

    I enjoyed the optimism of your reverse poem Lisa, and I picked out the same favourite lines as Sanaa ‘Departing clouds undid corporeal gloom’ – I think we’ve all had enough of corporeal gloom right now!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      I set out to find the most depressing poem I could find and turn it on its ear. Thank you! I hear you on the gloom!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Beautifully done! You certainly did a 180 with Shelley. There’s so much to like about this piece, but I think my favorite line is ” Shimmered clouds in heaven’s blue chest.” Gorgeous.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Susan thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed it 🙂

      Like

  6. Glenn A. Buttkus says:

    Wow, Lisa, you really generated an excellent stand alone poem, and yet it meets the opposite theme you asked for. The tone and shape are not your usual fare, harkening back to historical form. A very interesting prompt for sure. I went for the Diamante.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Glenn I remember when I tried this long ago liking how it turned out and it was fun to try it again. Thank you for your feedback and for noticing the difference from my usual 🙂 I loved reading your Diamantes!

      Like

  7. Grace says:

    I love how you flipped Shelley’s cold winter poem with lots of warmth, sunshine, summery images, peach blossoms and violet-carpet valley. You also mirrorred the format of the original poem and showed us how contrasting the season and weather works very well, with your challenge. Thank you for an amazing prompt.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Grace, thank you for your kind and thoughtful feedback. Much appreciated!

      Like

  8. robtkistner says:

    This is beautiful, really excellent Lisa. So well written! I got frustrated with the long form piece I was writing, and interpreted an alternative expression of the form. I call it the “Lawrence Tieke”. That was my quite recently discovered birth name — before adoption flipped it to Rob Kistner.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Rob, it pleases me to no end the title you gave your poem is your birth name. ❤ I want to hear more about what unfolds with your new knowledge. I'm guessing more poems connected with the discovery will be being shared.

      Like

    2. msjadeli says:

      p.s. Thank you and glad you liked my poem. If you finish the long form piece, post it on an OLN.

      Like

  9. Oh how sumptuous your use of language! I actually believe Shelley would be intrigued and honoured by your Opposite/ Flip version.
    A delight to read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Many thanks to you for saying that.

      Like

  10. rothpoetry says:

    You have done a great job flipping this poem. You have taken a sad poem and given it light and hope!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Dwight, thanks. It was my intent from the beginning to flip dark to light with a poem and went out to find the saddest/darkest one I could.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. rothpoetry says:

        You did a great job. It was a long poem to flip!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          I realized that after I got into it. Whew!

          Liked by 1 person

  11. Sadje says:

    Beautiful poetry Li

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sadje ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        You’re welcome 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Raivenne says:

    I LOVE this flip! The warmth and hope in your flip compared to the source yet still mirrored in harmony with it, so well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Raivenne, much appreciated.

      Like

  13. As a molten lava stream

    Wow.

    Wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. memadtwo says:

    You definitely got the essence of the original poet in your reversal–but so much brighter. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Kerfe, thank you. I’d like to try it again where he finds his love, alive and beautiful, waiting for him with her eyes shining with sunlight.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. memadtwo says:

        That’s a good thought.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. lillian says:

    Absolutely a GORGEOUS flip!
    “The butterflies flew
    Shimmered clouds in heaven’s blue chest,”
    These words, among many other here, make me swoon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Lillian, you make my heart happy with your comment, thank you.

      Like

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