The Warm Sky Woke Above
(The Flip)
The warm sky woke above;
Below the cold earth dull;
From tightly constrained,
To an appealing refrain,
Of peaked heights, heat, and valleys of flora.
The heart of day, like life, did thump in
Synched beat with rising sun.
The summery bouquet was rainbow;
The verdant lush was seen;
The butterflies flew
Shimmered clouds in heaven’s blue chest,
Whose limits, apart from guides or thoughts,
Was unbound, ends lacking few coordinates
Which the thawing deconstructed everywhere.
My aura dulled as compared
with the sun’s burgeoned dare;
As a molten lava stream
Of a gold mountain’s seam
simmers brightly—so the light beamed there,
and it orange’d the plains laid smooth, aware,
Still in the glory of day.
The sun undid the winter’s pale estranged affliction,
Departing clouds undid corporeal gloom; convivial
the day did join
with patient optimists
to a thawed balm. Together, gravity abandoned,
among peach blossoms and violet-carpet valley,
we dwell in contentment’s season.
I wasn’t sure whether to have the original poem go first or the flip of it, but since the original by Shelley is so good and so riveting, I chose to put it last.
Note to Shelley: Please, dear sir, take no offense at my messing with your poem. I can only hope that there were days when the script flipped for you.
The cold earth slept below
(The Original)
By Percy Bysshe Shelley
The cold earth slept below;
Above the cold sky shone;
And all around,
With a chilling sound,
From caves of ice and fields of snow
The breath of night like death did flow
Beneath the sinking moon.
The wintry hedge was black;
The green grass was not seen;
The birds did rest
On the bare thorn’s breast,
Whose roots, beside the pathway track,
Had bound their folds o’er many a crack
Which the frost had made between.
Thine eyes glow’d in the glare
Of the moon’s dying light;
As a fen-fire’s beam
On a sluggish stream
Gleams dimly—so the moon shone there,
And it yellow’d the strings of thy tangled hair,
That shook in the wind of night.
The moon made thy lips pale, beloved;
The wind made thy bosom chill;
The night did shed
On thy dear head
Its frozen dew, and thou didst lie
Where the bitter breath of the naked sky
Might visit thee at will.
I am today’s host at dVerse’ Poetics. I say:
Today’s challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to pick one of these three pathways to use to write your poem:
1. Choose one of your favorite poems by another poet and “flip the script” on it as shown in the video. Please include both the original poem and poet’s attribution along with your flipped poem;
2. Choose one of your OWN favorite poems and flip it. Please include your original poem along with your flipped poem;
3. Write a diamante form poem.
top image link here
Very well done for retaining the shape, Lisa! I especially enjoyed the flipped lines:
‘From tightly constrained,
To an appealing refrain,
Of peaked heights, heat, and valleys of flora’
and
‘My aura dulled as compared
with the sun’s burgeoned dare’.
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Thank you very much. It’s a miracle it translated on the page with WP editor!
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So much to love here especially; “The sun undid the winter’s pale estranged affliction/Departing clouds undid corporeal gloom; convivial
the day did join with patient optimists.” Woww! 💝💝
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Sanaa thank you very much ❤
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Goodness Lisa – Shelley would wish he had written your Opposite poem – it reads so well and the imagery is gorgeous. I enjoyed doing the comparisons too
“the summery bouquet was rainbow;
The verdant lush was seen;”
versus
“the wintry hedge was black;
The green grass was not seen;”
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Laura, that is high praise, thank you very much!
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I enjoyed the optimism of your reverse poem Lisa, and I picked out the same favourite lines as Sanaa ‘Departing clouds undid corporeal gloom’ – I think we’ve all had enough of corporeal gloom right now!
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I set out to find the most depressing poem I could find and turn it on its ear. Thank you! I hear you on the gloom!
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Beautifully done! You certainly did a 180 with Shelley. There’s so much to like about this piece, but I think my favorite line is ” Shimmered clouds in heaven’s blue chest.” Gorgeous.
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Susan thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed it 🙂
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Wow, Lisa, you really generated an excellent stand alone poem, and yet it meets the opposite theme you asked for. The tone and shape are not your usual fare, harkening back to historical form. A very interesting prompt for sure. I went for the Diamante.
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Glenn I remember when I tried this long ago liking how it turned out and it was fun to try it again. Thank you for your feedback and for noticing the difference from my usual 🙂 I loved reading your Diamantes!
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I love how you flipped Shelley’s cold winter poem with lots of warmth, sunshine, summery images, peach blossoms and violet-carpet valley. You also mirrorred the format of the original poem and showed us how contrasting the season and weather works very well, with your challenge. Thank you for an amazing prompt.
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Grace, thank you for your kind and thoughtful feedback. Much appreciated!
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This is beautiful, really excellent Lisa. So well written! I got frustrated with the long form piece I was writing, and interpreted an alternative expression of the form. I call it the “Lawrence Tieke”. That was my quite recently discovered birth name — before adoption flipped it to Rob Kistner.
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Rob, it pleases me to no end the title you gave your poem is your birth name. ❤ I want to hear more about what unfolds with your new knowledge. I'm guessing more poems connected with the discovery will be being shared.
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p.s. Thank you and glad you liked my poem. If you finish the long form piece, post it on an OLN.
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Oh how sumptuous your use of language! I actually believe Shelley would be intrigued and honoured by your Opposite/ Flip version.
A delight to read!
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Many thanks to you for saying that.
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You have done a great job flipping this poem. You have taken a sad poem and given it light and hope!
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Dwight, thanks. It was my intent from the beginning to flip dark to light with a poem and went out to find the saddest/darkest one I could.
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You did a great job. It was a long poem to flip!
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I realized that after I got into it. Whew!
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:>)
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Beautiful poetry Li
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Thank you, Sadje ❤
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You’re welcome 😉
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I LOVE this flip! The warmth and hope in your flip compared to the source yet still mirrored in harmony with it, so well done.
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Thank you, Raivenne, much appreciated.
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Wow.
Wow.
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Thanks!
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You definitely got the essence of the original poet in your reversal–but so much brighter. (K)
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Kerfe, thank you. I’d like to try it again where he finds his love, alive and beautiful, waiting for him with her eyes shining with sunlight.
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That’s a good thought.
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Absolutely a GORGEOUS flip!
“The butterflies flew
Shimmered clouds in heaven’s blue chest,”
These words, among many other here, make me swoon.
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Lillian, you make my heart happy with your comment, thank you.
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