dVerse — Poetics — UN Chinese Language Day Celebration Poem

Elizabeth Magill, Red Bay, 2016 - 2017 | Anthony Wilkinson Gallery

Oh When Will Autumn Moon and Spring Flowers End (The Beautiful Lady Yu) ~ Li Yu
(my reinterpretation of Li Yu’s poem, using the same title)

Please clouds, veil Venus // winds, strip stems!
Fragrant petals now a biting blinding snow
Evening’s wander un-dammed floodgates //
time’s remembered joys
Season’s rendezvous // forbidden pools //
yesterday today’s woe
Warm // velvet curtains hushed // urgent cushioned sighs
Cool // sandpaper walls echo // piteous ragged lows
How many ghosts // sweet rotting arms // must call?
Endless stream, hungry shadows laugh // dance, aglow

The Heart in Chinese Medicine – Blue Fire Healing Arts | Carly Samish LAc

I chose to re-interpret Li Yu’s:
Oh When Will Autumn Moon and Spring Flowers End (The Beautiful Lady Yu)

Oh when will autumn moon and spring flowers end?
How many past events I’ve known.
The east wind buffeted my room again last night,
I cannot bear to remember the bright moon of the old country.
The marble steps and carved balustrades must still be there,
The people’s rosy cheeks are all that’s changed.
How much sorrow can one man have to bear?
As much as a river of spring water flowing east

Top image is, “Red Bay,” (2016 – 2017) by Elizabeth Magill
2nd image is, “Heart,” by Marlow Brooks

Laura is today’s host of dVerse’ Poetics. Laura says:
Select any ONE of the above poems [I chose the one above] and with as many re-reads as you need, imagine what the poet has painted, what impressions are conveyed. Then:
re-interpret the poem in the Chinese LUSHI style
eight lines long of couplets – The first couplet should set-up the poem; the middle two couplets develop the theme, the final couple is conclusion
each line must have the same number of words, either 5,6, or 7.
a mono-rhyme is on every even numbered line
Caesura (a pause) should separate clauses.

Whichever style you choose you should:-
•use the same title
not re-use more than a very few of the poet’s words
cite the poem & poet of your choice either at the end of your post or parallel with your own poem.

44 Comments Add yours

  1. I love your rewriting… the darkness that made me think of a burial with those rotting arms rather than being away from the old country… but maybe the parting in the original poem is really about death.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. msjadeli says:

      Bjorn, I love hearing your thoughts on the original and the reinterp of it. Very well may be! Thank you for what you see.

      Like

  2. this is certainly your style – extra praise for the Lushi style. You reworked the original so well and the final couplet is superb but these are my favourite- stunning contrasts
    “Warm // velvet curtains hushed // urgent cushioned sighs
    Cool // sandpaper walls echo // piteous ragged lows”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you so much, Laura. The poem wouldn’t exist without your prompt. Glad those lines pleased you.

      Like

  3. RedCat says:

    This is an absolutely beautiful interpretation. Your Caesura, reminding me of music notations, makes me want to hear it sung, to a mournful tune.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Helene, thank you very much, I’m glad you connect with it. Would be interesting to hear it put to music or maybe chanting.

      Like

  4. sanaarizvi says:

    This is incredibly gorgeous, Lisa! I so love; “Evening’s wander un-dammed floodgates /time’s remembered joys.”💝💝

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks much, Sanaa and glad you enjoyed those lines 🙂 ❤

      Like

  5. Dora says:

    The images flow like a forest river, dark, mournful, eerie, threatening. Well done Lisa.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Dora!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Dora says:

        My pleasure!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. “How many ghosts // sweet rotting arms // must call?” Haunting imagery! Can’t forget this one! ✨

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Tricia, thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sadje says:

    Wonderfully written

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sadje, thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        You’re welcome my friend

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Truedessa says:

    I really enjoyed reading your interpretation. The darkness lingers in the uncertainty of the season.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much, Truedessa. I didn’t want to take it that dark but it took me.

      Like

  9. rothpoetry says:

    Very nicely done Lisa. Your use of caesura works very well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Dwight! It’s the very first time I’ve used the “//” in a poem. I like it also 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. rothpoetry says:

        I really like the feel it gives to the poem!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I haven’t come across caesura before and, having seen them mentioned in the comments I looked the word up. It’s an interesting concept that I obviously need to acquaint myself with. I am reading on my phone which has probably messed with your layout. Will come back to it later on my laptop to get a better feeling. Initially I read the caesura as line breaks but that didn’t seem right. But even with all these failings on my part the language and imagery are so rich and luxuriant and, in places, haunting. I can’t wait to read it on a bigger screen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      I think caesura is any pause in the line and doesn’t have to have the “//” It could be a comma, a dash, or some other delineator. That said, it’s the first time I’ve used, “//” and I actually like how it turned out. Hoping it looks better on the big screen for you.

      Like

  11. Raivenne says:

    I LOVE your re-interpretation! And I am floored by the textural and sensual contrasts of these two lines:

    “Warm // velvet curtains hushed // urgent cushioned sighs
    Cool // sandpaper walls echo // piteous ragged lows”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much, Raivenne!

      Like

  12. Ingrid says:

    Congratulations on using the lushi style so beautifully with all that luscious alliteration 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Ingrid thank you very much.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. kim881 says:

    I like the caesura markings, they work well in your reinterpretation, Lisa, and the opening invocation. I love the whispering sound of the phrase ‘velvet curtains hushed // urgent cushioned sighs’.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much for your feedback, Kim. Glad you like the phrase.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. memadtwo says:

    I like the urgent intensity of your interpretation. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Kerfe, and appreciate your feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Xan says:

    Your rewrite is just lovely. I had so much trouble with this prompt. I kept reading about how important the subtleties of Chinese language inflexion is to the form; it started to feel like appropriation. In the end I abandoned it. I’ve been glad to see how sensitively the community was able to meet the challenge.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      I does feel like a rabbit hole as you look at the subtleties involved and really think a Native Chinese speaker with ESL would be best to do the translations of the work.

      I agree, Laura knocked it out of the park with her challenge and I’ve been loving reading the responses!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. msjadeli says:

      p.s. Thank you and glad you enjoyed my rewrite.

      Like

  16. Well done, Lisa. I think this line is impactful and expresses the weight of the situation.:
    “Season’s rendezvous // forbidden pools //
    yesterday today’s woe”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Ken, thank you. I appreciate your feedback on it.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. writingallsorts7909 says:

    Lovely poem. Great contrast in textures in lines 7 and 8 – warm cushioned and velvet, versus cool sandpaper.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Many thanks. I was trying to contrast the experience that generated the memory and the residue that is now left….

      Like

  18. judeitakali says:

    Gorgeous. Both the original, and your reinterpretation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Jude, thank you. Not bad for a first try at the form. I’d like to write it so it looks symmetrical like the original. Something to strive for 🙂

      Like

      1. judeitakali says:

        My pleasure. And yes indeed.

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Lisa- what a beautiful interpretation of the original poem- truly lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Linda, thank you very much.

      Liked by 1 person

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