dVerse — MTB — Trimmed

resized-locust-tree-before-picture-072221

The locust tree is thinner now
To keep the tree, I made a vow
to trim away from dwelling; though
looks scrawny, wow; looks scrawny, wow!

Tall sister to the short fruit trees
Umbrella-like, like dog sans fleas.
A pest before each time it screeched;
now rustley peeps; now rustley peeps.

A bigger sky around the house
When I look up I see the clouds
instead of just her many boughs
she smiles not scowls, she smiles not scowls

resized trimmed locust tree 072721

 

Grace is today’s host for dVerse’ Meeting the Bar.  Grace says:
Today’s challenge: To write a poem in monotetra form. You choose your theme, following the stanza structure as described.

Update:  Glenn was kind enough to point out that I didn’t follow directions very well by not having every line of every stanza rhyming the same rhyme.  I just read Kerfe’s poem and comment and realized what Glenn was saying (at first I thought it was the near-rhymes within the stanza he was talking about.)  I will now try and edit the poem with the correct parameters of the form:

The locust tree is thinner now
To keep the tree, I made a vow
to trim away from dwelling; though
looks scrawny, wow; looks scrawny, wow!

When ere to pear sun not allowed
now sharing sunbeams all about.
Before her reaches screeched aloud;
now regal as she wears her crown.

A bigger sky around the house
When I look up I see the clouds
instead of just her many boughs
she smiles not scowls, she smiles not scowls

32 Comments Add yours

  1. Thank you for introducing me to a new poetry form. I enjoyed visualizing the colorful phrases and smiled with each end line’s repetition.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Gail, happy you enjoyed the poem and the form.

      Like

  2. Glenn A. Buttkus says:

    Strong manipulating of the form; adore poems about trees. Got me confused though with your third lines ending in a different rhyme scheme. I guess I missed something.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you for the feedback, Glenn. They were more near-rhymes to throw a little curve in there.

      Like

    2. msjadeli says:

      P.S. I now understand what you mean about the rhyming. Monotetra means the same rhyme through each stanza. Thanks for pointing that out. Will try to amend it to be technically correct.

      Like

  3. Grace says:

    I love the before and after photos – so tall with many boughs. Yes, she is smiling now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Grace.

      Like

  4. Vandana Sharma says:

    May all the trees keep growing and may we humans always cherish them, they are our lifeline!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Yes! What a beautiful prayer.

      Like

  5. badfinger20 (Max) says:

    The tree still looks good…You can see much better now…you and the tree are happy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks, Max. Maybe one of the last stanza’s repetitions is me 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Misky says:

    Your lovely tree will thank you for the renewed breath of fresh air!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That last stanza sums it all! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Punam 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Beverly Crawford says:

    Great tree story and “casual” rhyming!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Beverly, I understand now what Glenn meant about the rhyming and have corrected it. Check it out again (I edited the original at the bottom and re-linked the edited one to Mr. Linky) and you’ll see that it “seriously” rhymes now 😉

      Like

  9. Raivenne says:

    Though I admit to be thrown off by the now/vow/though/wow scheme (see what I did there), I liked the mix of slant and serious rhymes in both versions, Lisa. I enjoyed the tale of this trimmed out tree overall, the monatetra works nicely here in the telling.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you for the honest feedback, Raivenne. I appreciate it over mindless praise every time.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. memadtwo says:

    “now regal as she wears her crown”–I love that line!
    I actually think your first version satisfies the prompt–I just kept going with the same rhyme for all the stanzas because there were so many to choose from. But as with most revisions,I think your second version is tighter and cleaner.
    Always a treat to see the sky. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      I like the 2nd version better also, K. Thanks, and yes, the sky brings promises of so many things.

      Like

  11. sanaarizvi says:

    Such rich use of language here, Lisa! I love the image of “A bigger sky around the house/When I look up I see the clouds.”💝💝

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sanaa!

      Like

  12. I love the two variations especially the many boughs and sun pears. a tall sister is such an adorable phrase, too. beautiful ode to these giants, Ms. Lisa.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Rosemarie, so pleased you have affection for the trees, thank you for that and your comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. You so often transform your life and your world into poetry, Lisa… I can gradually put together a picture of the scenery around you by reading your verses over time! Lovely 🙂

    -David

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      David, I enjoy sharing my home with my blogmates. Thank you for your kind and generous comment ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Xan says:

    I love the humor of this, and that you made such a wonderful poem from such a mundane event.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Alexandra thanks! You do the same with your poetry 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Xan says:

        wink emoji

        Liked by 1 person

        1. msjadeli says:

          as my mom would say, “she’s [you are] a corrupting influence” on me 🙂

          Like

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