dVerse — MTB — Trimmed Trimmed

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Grace is today’s host for dVerse’ Meeting the Bar.  Grace says:
Today’s challenge: To write a poem in monotetra form. You choose your theme, following the stanza structure as described.

Glenn was kind enough to point out that I didn’t follow directions very well by not having every line of every stanza rhyming the same rhyme.  I just read Kerfe’s poem and comment and realized what Glenn was saying (at first I thought it was the near-rhymes within the stanza he was talking about.)  I have edited the poem with the correct parameters of the form:

The locust tree is thinner now
To keep the tree, I made a vow
to trim away from dwelling; though
looks scrawny, wow; looks scrawny, wow!

When ere to pear sun not allowed
now sharing sunbeams all about.
Before her reaches screeched aloud;
now regal as she wears her crown.

A bigger sky around the house
When I look up I see the clouds
instead of just her many boughs
she smiles not scowls, I smile, not scowl.

15 Comments Add yours

  1. Sadje says:

    A leaner and trimmer version! Reads well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sadje. It reads better than before for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        You’re welcome Li

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lucy says:

    I love this, it’s quite beautiful. The ending put a smile on my face too. I enjoyed both versions, though. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Lucy, and glad you smiled 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. calmkate says:

    a cute tribute to your thriving garden Lisa, well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Kate 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. calmkate says:

        my pleasure Lisa 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Xan says:

    I like the near rhymes, and the subtle subversion of the form in the final line.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Max, one of my blogmates, mentioned both the tree and I were happy, hence that subversion 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. sanaarizvi says:

    I absolutely love, love, love this! 😀 Gorgeously rendered, Lisa 💝💝

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks, Sanaa 🙂

      Like

  6. badfinger20 (Max) says:

    Love the last verse

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      🙂 Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

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