dVerse — ghazal — #MLMM Saturday Mix – #Lucky Dip, 23 March 2019 — Tick-Tock

Update 5/25/19:  This has been linked to dVerse, for the form we will be working with for the next month, the ghazal.

saturday mix with sarah

clock

Three Oclock by Diana Miller

Sarah is the host of Saturday Mix.  Sarah says:
Welcome to the Saturday Mix – Lucky Dip, 23 March 2019!  For this week’s Lucky Dip, I have reached into my mystery bag and pulled out a Ghazal. The topic is up to you!  You may be thinking to yourself, What on earth is a Ghazal poem?  Luckily, Shadow Poetry has an explanation…

This is a new one form for me, it has tricky rules, but it is one I enjoyed using and plan on using again.

 

Minutes tumble, careless hours,
No glance at clock, unheard tick-tock.

Hours stumble, soon comes night;
While I darn the socks, tick-tock.

Days stretch into a week,
Check the clock, chores complete, tick-tock.

Weeks have gone, now a month;
Short days, winter knocks, tick-tock.

Blizzards come, blizzards go;
Depression blocked, tick-tock.

Years come, years go;
Take stock, sign my will, tick-tock.

Sitting peaceful in the sun,
in a chair that rocks, tick-tock.

Time approaches for the trip;
Hug flock, say goodbye, tick-tock.

Climb heaven’s stairs
Jade Li transcends the rock, tick-tock.

 

30 Comments Add yours

  1. I think you captured the style very well. Poetry certainly tests you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Len. When it said “inline rhyme” I think it means a rhyme in the same line, but looking at examples at poetry.com it seems like the form is all over the place. The site even has one by the US poet laureate and it looks a little sketchy. Next one I will keep the continuing refrain, but try to rhyme within the two lines of the couplet and see what happens. Yes, poetry does put one to the test!

      Like

  2. Jules's avatar Jules says:

    A wonderful journey with time as the focus, the leader, the commander of individual fates… As I re read the rule… at least for MLMM we were only to allude to ourselves. I know I’ve done this form before. But not being a fan of any forced rhyme I … and I thought for some reason there was a perhaps darker focus I kept mine short. And added the haiku. Perhaps it was a cheat?

    Had to do some traveling up north today… snow is still on the ground and there are chunks of ice in lakes! I’m thinking Spring is wearing her long Janes ;)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Everything is closed up tight here and the heat is on. No snow in sight though. Chunks of ice in the lakes brrrrrr

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      :) Thank you Mary

      Like

  3. Time as a love song? Certainly time as a journey. I’ve been contemplating as I read this form, that in every one I’ve read, the poem forms a kind of journey. The poet picks and chooses what he/she wants to connect to in one couplet tied with a ribbon to the one before and one after. In this I heard the clock tick, the seasons change, the years pass by but I missed the living and loving in between. I think you might have left the poem itself behind closed doors in another room. Interesting take on the ghazal. I make come back again to read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Hi Gay, pleased to meet you. Does the ghazal have to be a love song? This one wasn’t intended as a love song, more how a person takes time for granted, until time runs out. I will re-read the information and try again. Thank you so much for reading and your thoughtful comments.

      Like

      1. I am under the impression it is about passion and love, or love unrequited, or something you’re passionate about, apparently it has historically been linked to drinking alcohol, and being “under its influence” so in a sense freeing bonds, drunk with emotion. I think it should definitely dig into the emotions of the write and he/she is putting themselves into it and admitting to those feelings, passions, emotions. We had two on politics, and I thought they met the mark – one does go all in when involved in politics, and its driven by love/hate with country/leaders. So that’s my take.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

          OK, Gay, I appreciate your take very much. I promise you’ll see the passion in the next one :)

          Like

  4. may..oh my making typing mistakes today. Sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Grace's avatar Grace says:

    Tick-tock refrain echoes the moving time as we plunge into chores until it is time to say goodbye. Hopefully we can climb the heaven’s stairs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Thank you for your comment, Grace.

      Like

  6. nice reference to the passage of time by way of changing circumstances, and onomatopoeia

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Larry, for the feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I read the aging into your poem… the passing of time with you sitting there in the end…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Yes, very low key all the way…

      Like

  8. sdtp33's avatar sdtp33 says:

    very moving in a quiet, resigned way… I like the honesty and acceptance in this…JIM

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Jim, for your view of the poem. It is appreciated.

      Like

  9. I loved this portrait over time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Rosemary.

      Like

  10. memadtwo's avatar memadtwo says:

    This has a great rhythm–you can feel the wheels turning. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Kerfe.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. robtkistner's avatar robtkistner says:

    Hope you’re not considering climbing those stairs voluntarily. Jade.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Rob, no, but I do appreciate you asking the question.

      Like

  12. rothpoetry's avatar rothpoetry says:

    Well done, Jade! I love the ending with you transcending the third rock from the sun!! Time marches on and takes us along with it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      <3 Thank you so much, Dwight. Indeed it does.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I like how you diverted from the traditional theme. The end lines were just plain beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa or Li's avatar msjadeli says:

      Petru, thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

Your thoughts matter.