dVerse — black — invictus part 2

Image result for black mother and son play outside smile painting

 

grey skies seep black
black silhouettes
silhouettes of
of rippling dark

grey skin, red eyes
eyes that see all
all color drained
drained from your soul

when you hurt her
her of black skin
skin shining warm
warm morning sun

her smile died then
then she knew why
why you killed it
it gave her will

you’ll never know
know your dear son
son of beauty
beauty despite

he’ll never know
know his father
father rapist
rapist monster

gone away now
now worlds away
away from black
black is her color

she watches him
him bright morning
morning he plays
plays, says, “Momma!”

the sun is warm
warm on their skin
skin raises up
up in their smiles

Loop Poetry is a poetry form created by Hellon. There are no restrictions on the number of stanzas nor on the syllable count for each line. In each stanza, the last word of the first line becomes the first word of line two, last word of line 2 becomes the first word of line 3, last word of line 3 becomes the first word of line 4. This is followed for each stanza.  The rhyme scheme is abcb. [I chose no rhyme scheme in mine.]

Anmol (alias HA) is today’s host of dVerse.  Anmol says:
I am prompting you to think of what comes to your mind when you picture ‘Black’. Think of what it means to you or what it stands for. You can venture into different areas like identity, materialism, personal experiences, physics, et al. as well. Or you can simply incorporate the word ‘black’ in your title and poem.

image link here

39 Comments Add yours

  1. Rob Kistner says:

    I really enjoyed the emphatic essence of this poetry style Lisa, and you executed it well! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Rob, thank you.

      Like

  2. Glenn A. Buttkus says:

    You and I touched on the same Muse–blackness as human, empathy, love. This form is interesting, but the loops pry me a bit away from the message; just saying.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks for the feedback, Glenn.

      Like

  3. Frank Hubeny says:

    I like the smiles at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Frank.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. kanzensakura says:

    I find the form interesting. But I doubt I shall ever write to it. With my dyslexia, it is too distracting. Just saying.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks for the feedback, Toni. It’s appreciated!

      Like

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Roslyn.

      Like

  5. Searingly honest and raw! Bravo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Frank, thank you very much.

      Like

  6. Poignant, honest, sad reality, but smiles still can happen! Beautiful poem!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Mary thank you very much.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. memadtwo says:

    I think the form works well to highlight the transformation of the blackness. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Kerfe. Now that you say that, the black does transform!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. memadtwo says:

        It definitely does.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. rothpoetry says:

    A beautiful poem Jade!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Dwight. I just read yours and agree with what you said. Black-white, yin-yang, wax-wane….

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Sadje says:

    Beautiful verses.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sadje.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        You’re welcome Li.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. kim881 says:

    Thank you for introducing me to loop poetry, Jade, and for this poignant and tragic story. I like the way these lines are echoed in the final stanza
    ‘skin shining warm
    warm morning sun’.
    Something good born of something bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Exactly, Kim. Glad you liked the loop form.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. It’s such a raw story and your telling is made effective by the form. Those word repetitions make it seem like a sad song. I too like the sun and the smiles of the final stanza. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Anmol, I appreciate your comments and feedback 🙂

      Like

  12. rivrvlogr says:

    Finding beauty, even from the darkest source. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much, Ken.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. The story telling in this tale is great and tells of a darkness that is not of skin… the form make it sound like an incantation

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much, Bjorn. Kerfe noticed that the darkness was transformed so in a way it was an alchemical incantation.

      Like

  14. Beverly Crawford says:

    I very much liked the essence of the poem, but the looping style distracted me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Beverly. Glad you enjoyed the essence and thanks for the feedback on the form.

      Like

  15. João-Maria says:

    Jade, your poem is perfused with attuned sensations; playful but painfully incisive. I love it, and its lyricism reminds me of Zeca Veloso – Todo Homem, a Brazilian song. Although you may not understand the lyrics, I urge you to give it a listen. It is a beautiful melody, and the refrain means “every man needs a mother”, which should be encouragement enough!
    As always, your presence exults me.

    Like

    1. msjadeli says:

      Joao-Maria, your linking my poem to that exquisite song’s lyricism humbles me. I just listened to it and and have included it here (with translation, thanks to Google translator) for others to appreciate. Thank you so much and likewise on your presence ❤

      EVERY MAN
      (Zeca Veloso)

      The sun
      Flower and salt morning
      And sand in the lipstick

      Lighthouse
      Miss you on the clothesline
      Red, blue, brown

      I am
      The umbilical cord
      For me it's never good

      And the sun
      Burning my newspaper
      My voice, my light, my sound

      Every man needs a mother
      Every man needs a mother

      The sky
      Apple Foam
      Belly, two brothers

      My
      Hair, black wool
      Nose and face and hands

      The honey
      The silver, the gold and the frog
      Head and heart

      And the sky
      Opens in the morning
      In shelter, in lap, on floor

      Every man needs a mother
      Every man needs a mother

      Liked by 1 person

  16. lillian says:

    What an interesting form! I’d not heard of it and you handled it well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks, Lillian, glad you think so 🙂

      Like

  17. robtkistner says:

    Interesting style Lisa I found it captivating to read the form didn’t distract me well written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Rob. I thought the form was perfect for what I wanted to say.

      Like

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