TSM230, Friday Writings 46, and earthweal’s OLW 138 — gone but not gone


Artwork photography by Antonio Mora

I.
The first of summer,
when roses bloom,
I saw you there
in oak’s leafy shadow,
a still, towering trunk,
transfixed. I hurried
along, now shivered,
my hand a-tremble
as key sought
to impart salvation.

It is now autumn’s end,
and oak stands bare.
Your form is gone,
your presence yet there.

II.
Percussion’s blast blew
us to smithereens,
red confetti peppered
upon the field among
abruptly-ended screams.
No stretchers for us.
We rose, a chorus
of thin blue mist,
above the mayhem,
waiting for our bodies,
in bags, to be flown home.

Marie, please forgive me,
a morning mist that watches
you drink your tea; and weeps
as you inhale your garden.

Carrie is the host of The Sunday Muse.

Magaly is host of today’s prompt from Poets and Storytellers United.  Magaly says:
So, for today’s optional prompt, I invite you and your muse to write one piece of poetry or prose from two different points of view. Please post both pieces. The complete entry should be 369 words or fewer.

Also linking this to earthweal’s Open Link Weekend.

37 Comments Add yours

  1. Carrie V. H. says:

    This is a powerful poem Lisa and the two viewpoints add to it. I especially love, “we rose a chorus of thin blue mist above the mayhem.” This was really moving and one of your finest my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Carrie, thank you very much for your kind words.

      Like

  2. Wow! Beautifully worded, and the revelation of the second point of view is both startling and very moving.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you very much, Rosemary.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. memadtwo says:

    I had to go back and reread this several times. A vivid rendering. I too especially like the image of the chorus of blue mist. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Kerfe, thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sherry Marr says:

    So gorgeous! I love the chorus of thin blue mist and, especially, your poignant cvlosing stanza. Absolutely beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sherry thank you and so glad you enjoyed it.

      Like

  5. Read this several times… the second part explained the absent form in the first… love it, so powerful – both language and imagery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Rajani, thank you for your high praise ❤

      Like

  6. Ingrid says:

    Your poem really moved me, Lisa – lament of the war-dead, souls rising.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Ingrid, thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Jim says:

    Lisa, this is sooo intriguing, you wrote it like a bad dream. Most of those don’t have an end as yours does not.
    And yes, my (two) daughters reaching age sixteen. The younger took and passed for her drivers license that day. She thought that would be her ticket to freedom. We have a few stories for all this.
    Please write of another nightmare. Thank you for telling this one.
    ..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Ah I guessed right on you having daughter(s). Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed the poem.

      Like

  8. A beautifully penned poem, Lisa.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Keith.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. wyndolynne says:

    The balance of felt and unseen in this gave me the shivers, a tiny wedge that let the rest of the images right under the skin.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, Wyndolynne.

      Like

  10. Sadje says:

    Such a heartfelt poem Li.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Sadje ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadje says:

        You’re welcome

        Liked by 1 person

  11. This is heartbreaking. The longing of the one who waits… the helplessness of the one who can no longer return. So many say things like, “Your loved one is watching over you, but all of us who wait know that is never enough.

    Your response to the prompt is perfect. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Magaly, thank you very much for the prompt, which made the poem possible. You are very welcome.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Gillena Cox says:

    A swoon of sadnesd this one.
    Happy Sunday

    Much💛love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Gillena.

      Like

  13. Badfinger (Max) says:

    That is a sad one but really good. Your form is gone, your presence yet there…really good Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Max, thank you for your poetic comment. I’ll make a poet out of you yet. Wait a minute, you already are one!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Badfinger (Max) says:

        No… power pop songwriters don’t count lol.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. dsnake1 says:

    Enjoyed your poem, I can’t help but detect a tinge of sadness in the two parts.
    “Your form is gone,
    your presence yet there.”
    : this can be so true.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, dsnake1.

      Like

  15. Rob Kistner says:

    Wonderful Lisa. Love the dual perspectives — works most powerfully?🙂✌🏼❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thank you, Rob, it was part of Magaly’s prompt and I ran with it 🙂

      Like

  16. ingeniously poignant, Lisa! ❤

    ~David

    Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Thanks David! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. msjadeli says:

      Sara thank you!

      Like

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