i.
The first time I saw you I heard boom
Late Sunday night I’m sipping tea
The first of summer,
I stand before a California tree
our appointed place, in our dappled green lane,
ii.
Is health dread chore as stone to bear,
It’s quantity and quality’s
Mountain
Her living lingered,
Her face a white mask,
when energy spins away with mother sun
at first I refuse to believe
I see two distinct poems here, so I separated them. The only change that was made was the tense in the the last line, from “refused” to “refuse”
Links to the poems:
Alchemical
Nibbling
Spirits Promise
Final Farewell
each thing falls away
celebrating the 11th anniversary of dVerse
The Big Bluff (2nd one from July because none written in June)
The First Time
choice
gone but not gone
(white mask) (tanka with no title)
Winter Light
first image is mine. second image link is here
For those interested, I also did a found poem for the last lines of these poems, which you can find here.
Laura is today’s host of dVerse’ Meet the Bar. Laura says:
And so for this first MTB prompt of 2023 we’re composing a ‘Found’ poem of
- very first lines of our own poetry
- from the first poem of each month posted in in 2022.
Further Guidelines:
- No additions are permitted other than tense, preposition or conjunction
- Enjambment is allowed if it helps flow and sense
- Date order is not required
Tao Talk 
Great Job Lisa!💞
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Thanks, Cindy!
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❤️
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What a fun challenge. I might just have to try it myself. I like the abstract quality of the second poem. 🙂
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I hope you do try the challenge. Thanks 🙂
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I tried but gave up – I might have another go later when I’ve got more time. 🙂
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🙂
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I did it and found the exercise really rewarding. It helped me sum up last year 🙂
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Your perception was spot on Lisa, two poems definitely lived in the first lines. The first about love, the second about death, at least as I interpret them — both powerful my friend. 🙂✌🏼❣️
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Exactly what I saw about them, one about love and one about death. Thanks much, Rob ❤
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Love the nature mixed with other themes.😃
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Thanks much, Jude!
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A pleasure.
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splitting into stanzas is just right after all from the Italian they mean rooms, as well as stopping places.
you have woven a lyrical patchwork especially
“I stand before a California tree
our appointed place, in our dappled green lane,”
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Thank you, Laura. I debated on whether to use mountain with the tree or not.
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I like the rhyme of ‘tea/tree’ in the first poem, Lisa, and the image of the ‘dappled green lane’ . In the second poem, I get the feeling that the person with her ‘face a white mask’ is an ageing or dying mother – hence her energy spinning ‘away with mother sun’, something any child would refuse to believe.
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Thanks much for the feedback. Yes on that being about my mother. She passed away in June.
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So sorry for your loss, Lisa. I still miss my mum.
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Thanks, Kim. Still trying to wrap my head around it and my heart is still hurting.
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The juxtapositions create a new kind of sense, almost like a zen parable. The second one made me think of your mother. (K)
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Kerfe, thank you for your feedback on what you see, and yes, you’re right about my mom ❤
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Your work always makes me see things in different ways–I like that.
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Happy to hear it. You do the same for me.
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This kind of complexity is well beyond my writing skills I have to say it’s impressive .
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Randy, thank you very much! 🙂
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Beautifully put together!
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Dwight, thank you so much.
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You are welcome!
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Love how you assembled this together 🙂
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Thanks, AJ 🙂
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Nice one!!!
Thanks for dropping by my blog.
Much❤love
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Thanks, Gillena!
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These lines blended together so well Lisa 💕☺️
‘Her living lingered,
Her face a white mask,
when energy spins away with mother sun
at first I refuse to believe’
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Thanks, Christine ❤
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I did feel two different vibes, the first all about new love and feels grounded with the tree, and the second more reflection and mourning, with an ethereal feel as that energy spins away. Lovely! 💝
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Tricia thanks much for your feedback and glad you enjoyed them ❤
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💓
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Loving the writing process of breaking it into 2 parts. The first one is my favorite, with the big California tree.
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Thank you, Grace 🙂
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Where is that stunning tree? I’d love to see it in person. 🤩
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Believe it or not it is a sequoia tree in Manistee, Michigan, USA, a transplantee from California. The climate in Manistee is right for it.
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Oh, wow. I’m glad it’s survived as long as it has. 🤓
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I think it is about 75 years old now. There is a place nearby that takes clones of really old trees and grows them. Trees need all of the help they can get.
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Amazing! 😍
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You say two poems… I tried immediately to connect them as two aspects of the same and I think it does work both by themselves are as connected cantos
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Thanks much, Bjorn, I’ll look at it again to see the threads connecting them.
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I agree with your decision here. Two beautiful poems! Love them both.
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Thank you very much, Lillian.
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Two masterfully composed poems here, Lisa! Kudos! 😍
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Sanaa, thank you 🙂
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I misunderstood your first one…I read this right before I left…after reading the other comments I felt stupid lol. I thought the tree fell or was chopped down because of the “boom”…I took it literal…but now that I’ve went on and on…I like it!
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Cool, Max. Once a poem leaves a poet’s hands it belongs to the world. You can imagine it to be anything you want. There is no wrong way to regard it. If you think it’s a boom of a tree falling that’s what it is. Thank you for the time to take a look at it again.
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Thanks Lisa…that makes me feel better!
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